Normal? We don't need no stinkin' normal!

What is normal? Is normal the way we think we should be when everything around us is the way we like it, maybe peaceful. Is normal a state of mind that all people have when things are going their way? If that is the case then there is no normal. My idea of normal at this point in my life is finding a day to day routine. One that includes long hours so that my days might pass faster. 

Normal right now is knowing what day I can turn in my laundry so I will not run out of socks and t-shirts.

Normal for me is not normal for you.  The people in this country think normal is explosions and death on a daily basis, and have for hundreds of years. First it was King Darius, later Alexander the Great, then the Russians, now us. We do not want to take over this land, but are we trying to return these people to our Normal? Do the "Normal" people here, want peace and freedom? How can they if this generation has never seen it? 

So just exactly how do they know what normal is? I can tell that in one year's time normal to me will be a beautiful woman (yes, my wife) in one hand and a cold beer in the other..  That is my FUTURE NORMAL.

Shipments

It seems like we could do a better job getting our shipments into the country. 

We have some stuff that is shipped by sea to our location. Sometime between the time the containers leave and the time they get here they are usually broken into and emptied out. It has been put out that no military uniforms will be shipped in these container any more.

The news reports today prove the importance of such guidelines. Insurgents dressed in Army uniforms attacked a base today. 21 insurgents killed. This is where this Texas boy says yee haw. I do not like the
thought of ending someone's life but if it is you or me then HASTA LUEGO....  


Our shipment has not arrived yet but I sure hope it does since it has all of our snivel gear on it. That, for the civilian minded folks is cold weather gear. I pray the containers will arrive.

Timid Excitement

August 26, 2010

This is the picture on my desktop right now. I change them on occasion but this one really tells a story. This is what it looks like when a soldier returns to his family. A kind of uneasy feeling almost like a second date is shown on his face and on his mind. You know the person, but not really. His eyes would really tell the story, if you could see them. This picture was taken in Dec 2005. This happy day is the day I returned from Iraq, the day when we were finally reunited with our families at Ft Hood.  She is just as beautiful today as she was when we met. Having this picture on my desk helps me to know that there is another happy reunion coming and also helps me know that the times when I am down that I am going home..

Fathers and sons

19 August 2010


This was written by an eldest son to his dad. By simple substitution, it could be from a mother to a son, a wife to a husband, a sister to a brother. It is a powerful statement. (editor)


“I really do think about you all the time and miss you. It's a lot harder you leaving this time for some reason. It might be because I was selfish last time and didn't think about it. I know I don't really express to you all the time but I admire everything you do. You always do so much for everybody and sacrifice all you have for us. Everybody asks me all the time why you don't just quit the Army so you won't have to leave again, and I just think to myself that you don't do it because you like to or because of your country. I know you honestly, do it for your family and that's what I love about you the most. When you said in your blog that "I am a stand up father", it is because you taught me how to be. You taught me how to do everything for my family and not complain. How to just keep on working hard for your family and eventually someone will take notice and it will pay off. You truly are the best dad I could ever ask for and thank you for that. I love you Dad.”

Thank God I read this before there were other soldiers in the office, because even Soldiers Cry . . I love my family, and Russ got it right except, I do it for my family, but I also do it for my country, for those people who don't understand, like the high school kids who talk down on our military or the protesters, and for my brothers who have died in the fight to keep our country free. But let them all know, if it was not for the Blood of the American Soldier, that the people of America would more than likely be speaking a different Language....

Just a small one, but it helped

July 28, 2010 (Delayed due to . . . )

I have ignored Him for a while but God spoke to me today….
I saw it coming as I sat in the Airport in Minneapolis waiting for the next flight. I saw him, a young soldier, maybe 20 or 21 years old, his girlfriend clinging tightly to his arm. From a distance I could imagine what was going through her head and what she might have been saying, “don’t go, just stay a little while longer.” Having been there myself, I knew it was coming, coming like a volcano of emotion churning, burning, bubbling its way to the top. The boarding call, then eruption, the tears began to flow. I heard God today. After he began the long, hopeless walk to the gate, God told me to talk to him. I stepped up beside him and did what any one of my brothers would do. I lied. I lied and told him “it gets easier over time”, when in fact it doesn’t. You can ask any soldier what pains him and they will tell you that one of the worst things is returning from Leave. I ask the young soldier where he was from. He told me about 45 miles from the airport. I asked if he was returning from leave he said yes. I told him “You know, it could always be worse, you could be in my shoes. “ Oh, really,”  he said, “ how is that?” I said, “I am on Day 360 of my one year count down.” A smile crested from below the tears. By the time we boarded the plane through the hoard of people, his eyes were dry and he was smiling and me, well my heart was heavy and missing home.

Sacrifices….

Kites, brown skies and movie theaters

August 17, 2010

I was walking to the PX the other day and saw something out of the corner of my eye. It seemed so out of place, a bright shining thing in the middle of a colorless place. As I tracked it with my eyes I had to stop, I realized it was a kite. It was being flown on the other side of the wall, probably, a kid having some fun here in the desolation.  It looked so peaceful up there in the BROWN sky. It made me think if I had a bunch of Kites to take out to the kids then maybe they (the kids and their Parents) would be nice to us for the year that we are here, it made me think of the freedom bird heading home. Man it is definitely too early in my "vacation" to be thinking about this. Home, Rosario, Todd, Russ, Jessica and those wonderful grandkids, and cold beer and did I mention home and cold beer, the brightly colored clothes and the people who have no idea what we do or why we do it.

My dad sent me an email with a picture of troops standing at attention in an Iraqi palace that had been converted into a movie theater for the troops. The theater, as do all MILITARY movie theaters, was presenting the National Anthem before the main feature. He told me of a parade where he was the only one to stand and respect the colors for which many have fought and died. Why do we do this? I guess it is for the “Proud to be Americans,” like Brenda, who said "I want you and all your friends with you, know that I do appreciate what you are doing for me and my freedom."  Thank a soldier but, most importantly, thank God for our Military..

Moving day

August 14

Today could be moving day, I never thought I would be so excited to move into a room that is about 18 feet by 8 by about 7 feet high but I am. I can finally get my coffee pot set up so I do not have to go anywhere to get my coffee. Can’t wait to unpack my things and see if the internet service they offer is worth buying. The Texas Boys are not here yet but soon I hope.

I am ready to take over for the guy I am replacing too. I know it will take me some time to get everything down right as things are very different here than stateside.

Yesterday we received some new trucks. By looking at it this vehicle sole purpose is to protect soldiers if it is blown up. If these would have been available at the beginning of the war(S) then I wonder how many lives would have been saved. One of our training events was to be harnessed into one of these vehicles and then they flip it upside down and you have to get out. It was not something I ever want to do at full speed but it really makes you think what the guys must go through when a roll over happens.

As I hung there upside down with my seatbelt tightly fastened with all of the blood running to my head I look over to see the guy across from me frantically trying to get his seat belt unbuckled. I told him to calm down and let’s do this like we discussed. I pushed up with my hand to relieve the pressure of the 50 pounds (I guess, not real sure of the actual weight , it feels like a hundred) once the pressure was off I unbuckled my seat belt. The shoulder straps hung up in my gear and my arms were stuck. With some twisting and turning I managed to release myself just as I was beginning to go into “freak out” mode. I looked over at Bill and said okay it is your turn. His seatbelt was buried under his gear and that is what made him frantic earlier. As we worked him out I realized that talking is the best thing to do to reassure everyone that they will be okay. The new vehicles have one issue that needs attention. We did our training in a clean environment, no weapons in the vehicle no gear of any kind. All of the vehicles I have seen that go “out” are filled with bags stuff everywhere. I think the manufacturers forgot about all of the crap that we have to carry from one place to another. If it is not tied down it can injure or even end a life. If this had not been training and all of that stuff would have been in the vehicle rolling around. I wonder if I would be the guy to release too early and get everyone tangled up in a ball. Who knows but I pray that I never find out…….

News flash the move is complete thank God I have a place to call my own, if only for a little while..

Still here, today is Friday, I think.

August 13, 2010

I was not going to write today because I was unsure if I was going to be able to post any of this to my blog. The military has blocked lots of site due to people releasing sensitive information. I have done this before and I know that I must be careful of what I say about times movements, numbers of soldiers etc. but since some of the guys aren’t careful, it is locked for everyone. Anyway, earlier this morning Texas time I sent an email to my Dad and asked him if he would give me a hand with this. He did more than just a little work to get my blog back up. I was worried about having my last name in the blog title so that is why a new address was created. He managed to move my old blog over to it as well. I am unable to see the blog so if it has pink wallpaper or little bunny pictures that is just Dad's sense of humor.. haha. I will post as often as I have something to write about. Oh! I must not forget Mom for her assistance as well. Mom and Pops, I love you and thanks…

Today was a good day.

11 August 2010

I am still here, still breathing and the Texas “boys” are almost here. I came early to get some things set up and I think I have done okay with it so far. I am kind of missing my friends, the ones I work with and that is what makes this even harder. The phone calls home are what I look forward to the most. Just talking to my wife. She is on her way to Houston with two of her sisters and a brother-n-law. Right now, as I sit in my room, I am reminded of my time in Abilene during tornado season. The thunder outside and the whistle of the wind past the door make it okay to be here right at this second because my mind is home.

Earlier today I took my laundry to the turn in point, there are no washers here for the soldiers to use.  When he asked me the last four of my social I gave it to him. Then I asked him to say it in his language. I repeated it with my best Texas accent and got a laugh from all of the Local Nationals (LN) in the room. I kept repeating it until I had it close to his dialect.  Esch stadado Esch stadado. (8282)I have always had the gift of gab. I remember one time checking out in a grocery store and starting up a conversation with the cashier, the conversation about the weather or dinner or nothing really in particular. On the way out the door, Todd, my youngest son, asked me, “Did you know that person?” I said,” no but why do I have to know someone to talk to them.”  Are we teaching our children to be withdrawn? Why did he ask this question that to me seemed so strange of him to have asked.

Update on family, since I last wrote in 2005 I made it to Warrant Officer School and have since been promoted to CW2. My oldest son finally got away from the girl he was with. They finally figured out that it was not going to work, but in the process brought two children into this world. I love my grandkids with all of my heart. They are very special to me and I have to say that Russ is a stand up father. He took “himself” to court to get the court ordered child support to make sure he was allowed to see his kids. There was a point when the kids’ future was uncertain first the “baby mama” threatened to move to Florida and then California. “No, NO, NO!” said the court system. Thank God.

Todd is now 13 going on 25. He is the man of the house while I am gone this time. He spends lots of time lost in Books. He likes video games too but he,  for the most part, manages to get a good balance of both. He has a GIRLFRIEND, who he likes very much, I can tell. She lives in Merkel where we used to live 4 years ago now. He has been there through everything that Russ was put through by the “baby mama” and has been told things like “see what happens” and “don’t let that happen to you”. Maybe he understands and maybe he doesn’t. Only time will tell.

Well, now up to date:  Russ married a nice girl from Abilene. She is very strong willed and has a good heart. She and Russ are a good match. They were married just before  I left.  Thank God I got to be there. They moved from San Angelo to Abilene where they are both working full time and preparing for the arrival of a little baby girl. I am so happy for them. I love all of my kids and grandkids dearly and would do anything for them, even deploy to a foreign country.

Rosario, the love of my life, the one who taught me who I am. She is still as beautiful as ever. She still puts up with my crap on occasion as I put up with hers but I would not change her for anything in the world. Happiness is wanting to drive a thousand miles an hour just to spend five more minutes at home. She is my rock and I lean on her heavily at times. Right now she is leaning on Todd and I am leaning on them from many miles away.  Well, going to close for now. Storm has all but blown over. Since my days have been starting at about 0500 and ending at 2000 or 2100 (8 or 9 for you civilian folks), I am going to bed. May God keep us safe while we are here and keep our families and friends safe over there until we can be reunited once again.

Welcome to the ADVENTURE Part II

15 July 2010

We are at Ft McCoy in Wisconsin. We have been here for about 3 days the goodbye still fresh on my mind. I was standing in formation when it hit me; A thought that I just could not shake. As the Brigade Commander spoke I was overcome by the thought that if I did not get just one more kiss from my wife I would not make it back for another. That thought,  never coming back.  I motioned to her while standing in formation and as we marched in single file to the bus I got my one last kiss and thus ended the feeling. What a pain in the heart that was.

Being a member of the brigade it seems like a never-ending series of meetings and questions. There are LOTS of people here I have respect for, but there are a couple who have made life difficult already. Some look to the Chief for guidance and some just do what they want and then wonder why things are so messed up. We will get this done-  we will grow over the next year. I look forward to hearing from all of you in the future. As I told Rosario, Russ and Todd before I left, it is only a Year.

Side note: Non military families do not understand the sacrifices of the ones left behind. My wife and children are the ones who suffer more that anyone could ever imagine. They must do things by themselves and live without their spouse. My oldest son drove away with tears in his eyes, his new wife was teary eyed as well because, I think, she could feel his pain. “Dad you had better come home,” he told me as we said our goodbyes.  Imagine the heartache and hardships that will be faced by the families of our unit over the next year or so then………THANK A MILITARY SPOUSE FOR THEIR SERVICE, TOO…….

Here we go again.

12 July 2010

The thoughts of hopelessness, the thoughts of helplessness. The desires to retire, the questions about return, why do we do this for a country that appears to sink further and further into a an unappreciative bunch of un-Godly protesters?

There was no silent warning this time. They just came right out and told us, you are deploying. At first I thought it very funny because we were supposed to go right back to the same place we were before. If you followed my last blog then you know the location and you also know that I said I would NEVER return there, that WAS funny till the change, the change of President, the change of location for our focus on Terror. So this time next year, God willing, I will have a “t-shirt” from both locations. Ha
Since I quit blogging in Iraq in 2005, I have achieved some of the goals I spoke of there. For example I am a Warrant Officer now. A Chief Warrant Officer 2, I am one of the fortunate ones that my wife stuck with me through of all the crap that we went through upon my return. A returning soldier is very difficult to live with. My youngest Son Todd is now an 8th grader who received Exemplary Scores in all areas of the Texas Assessment Test and is a pretty fair Trombone player. My oldest son is married and has made me a Grandfather twice already with another one on the way.(more to follow) Listed above are my blessings. These are the things that God has given me and I call them happiness.

In Closing

With the choppers flying overhead and the gunshots in the distance I know we made a difference here. The first day we got here we were welcomed with mortars. I was standing in the shower when two of them hit entirely too close for comfort. Now about a year later I am still here still breathing As I sit here and think of home I think how awesome it will be to get there, to see family and friends again, family, not people in uniform, who share love and caring with other members of the family. I do feel some sadness as I feel that I will never in my life see this place again. I do not want to ever come here again but it is sad that I will never see it again. I imagine that many people go their entire lives without saying that they will never visit a place again. I can say with some certainty that I will never visit here again. It is kind of sad.

I have shared with you the past 18 months of my life, the fears the trials the new found strength through faith in God. I appreciate the concerns, the letters and the comments to my family. I feel now for certain that I will make it home and will go back to normal, but I find it hard to remember exactly what normal is. I know that my words helped me through the tough times experienced and can only hope that in some way they helped other families of deployed soldiers with their fears. They say that fear is showing weakness I say that fear is acknowledging weakness and admitting that you have some weaknesses. I have no doubt that fear is real and have learned many things through this trip on how to deal with it. As the “greatest adventure” of my life comes to an end I think back on the time and can only say one thing for certain. He left home, he spends time away, but for a good cause, one thing is for certain “He is a real soldier”.

Where in the world is small town USA?

I have been corresponding via email with a wonderful person who is much like me in many ways. I worked for her husband many years ago and now have found a new email pal. The following is an excerpt from one of her emails that makes me wonder what happened To Small town USA?

Even today, the people take food to the ones that don't have it, drive them to a doctor if needed, make repairs to their houses, and just generally see to the welfare of whoever needs help. It is small town America at its best and there are probably hundreds of towns that do the same things.

This is truly the meaning of small town USA. How many times have you been on the highway traveling and come across someone in need of help. Whether it be a tire repair or another vehicle repair. Do you stop? I do but only when I am alone. I sometimes feel that it is a danger to stop and render assistance to people but I know that I will be rewarded if there is no danger. I remember several years ago I stopped and helped a man change a tire on the hill leaving Brownwood. I noticed as I went by that an undercover police officer was pulled up beside a car with a flat. As I continued in the opposite direction something told me to turn around and go back. I did and to this day still reap the benefit of my assistance. As I pulled up behind the vehicle I noted that the other car was gone and that the older gentleman was struggling with the jack. I offered assistance and in no time had the tire replaced for them. The man’s wife and grandchild were in the car and they had shut it off because they were afraid it would fall off the jack. The lady was sweating and the grandchild did not look well. To this day I thank God for turning me around to render assistance and feel like the hand shake at the end was such a wonderful reward. As I recall the man offered payment and asked what he owed me. I told him a hand shake would do. What happened to people who were not afraid to help out someone in need. Small town USA has slowly disappeared. I am thankful that my father taught me compassion and love for my fellow man. I know that people today teach their children right and wrong but what happens after that. In an age where television is a big part of people’s lives maybe it is possible that we have come to fear society or people. Anyway I say this so next time you are flying down the highway enjoying the A/C and come across someone in need of help think one day it could be you in need. Bring back Small town USA ways of thinking and let’s make a difference one person at a time…

Gone fishin'

SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA and thanks for listening j

Thanks giving

Some people would think that a soldier far away from home would have problems around Thanksgiving. It really for me is quite opposite. The endless days and loneliness and the effects of these broken people recovering from 30 some years of atrocities in itself provides a great reason to give thanks. God has granted me the chance to help out people who at one time where to afraid or “beat down” to help themselves. I am thankful that I did what I did when I signed up. I am glad that I was given the chance to make a difference in my own little way.
From a distance I see my life back home and each day I become more and more thankful that I met my wonderful wife. Without my wife and kids I do not think I would be half the person that I am now. They have seen the “evil” in me and stood by me. They have supported me from a distance and will stand up for me in my absence. I feel as if I have given my oldest child all of the love and care that I could. I have examined and realized that I have neglected my youngest child.
I grew up in a home full of love. There was never any doubt that I was loved. All families have small issues that sometimes seem to consume them. The true families that make it through learn from these things and get by them as mine has and always will. Just as God forgives and forgets he expects us to do the same.
These things I have come to realize from a distance and I thank God that I have been given the chance to return home to the love of family and friends. Thank God for All things for without him we are but dust.

Time has not ended but life and Thanksgiving are endless…

"Let all Nations Rejoice"

Okay this is going to be one of my best blogs stories in a while. I know that I have talked about Maria. Well her name is actually Mariam. She has put in words to Mr. Bush how she feels about what he has done here. I will type it word for word into this blog and then try to scan it and post the actual hand written letter as a picture. Here is proof that we have made a difference.

To my hero
Dear President Bush
I am Iraqi woman my name is Mariam Farhan, I want to tell you I love you so much and pray for you every night because you give us the freedom we was prayer and waiting for someone come to take this nightmare away, we wait so long 35 years. And I want to tell you many Iraqi people they love you also but the are afraid to say that.
And before Multi-National-Force they come it was my salary 50 $ but now 500$ I can help my family better and I can eat better and I can wear better also. Thank you for everything you did for Iraqi people, thank you for your love to us, thank you for your care. “The Lord bless you and keep you, The Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you, The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” Numbers 6:24,25,26


Be blessed
With Love
Mariam

As I read this tonight after church I was so amazed at the words that I read it out loud to everyone. God is Love and it shows.

A Scared Child

I was sitting on the couch this evening wondering what it would be like to be home. Home with my wife and kids. Home seems so far away yet we are one day closer to being there. In all this I came to the realization that I have some type of fear of going home. The lines below list some of that fear and from the thoughts of fear of coming home I turned it into a poem of sorts. Some of the things listed in the poem are fiction but some of the thoughts are real. Hope you enjoy. We have been so busy lately that I have not had time to write. Almost there.


I feel like that kid in school who went out one night and acted a fool.
As he puts the quarter in the slot he wonders about broken rules.
He makes the call to his dad and when he hangs up he feels oh so bad.

He cries:
Daddy I’m scared to come home. There are people in here but I am alone.
Before you come and get me can I ask you one thing
When you were my age did you do any of the same?

As he loads the last suitcase in the car,
He turns and looks back at his home from a far
Mom and dad I love you and gone

He calls:
Daddy I’m scared and alone,
I‘ve been thinking of coming home.
I feel so alone can I move back in?

On the plane gone to fight over the sea
Thoughts of home bring fears to light for me
Soon my dream will come true

He writes:
Daddy I’m scared to come home,
I’ve been away for too long.
What if when I get there I cannot remember who I am?


As the sharp pain fades from his thoughts
His eyes focus on the joys that they ought
He sees the light in his eyes

He prays:
Father take me home, There are people here who are all alone
Before you come and get me can I ask you one thing
Does it hurt knowing you gave your son for our shame?

A Chill in the Air makes me think of there.....

There is chill in the air tonight. A thought that time has finally passed, that just maybe, we can begin to think of home again. It is not time as of yet but we will not know until the last minute to continue to cast an inkling of doubt in the eyes of the enemy. The temperatures have begun to drop to a chilly 55 or so degrees at night. I know now that I am acclimatized as 55 degree is too cold to venture out without some sort of cold weather gear. Today the high was around 85 degrees but never seemed to really warm up. This happened all of a sudden. It was a quick change. One day it was 105 and the next it was cold. It blew in upon us and reassured us that we have been here for a while. The desire to get back to normal growing but trying to maintain some sense of reality that we are still here and not leaving anytime soon becomes a daily ritual. My dreams have returned to me. I sleep the whole night through but I must toss and turn as I wake up sleepy and groggy. Won’t be long but will be awhile.

Maria

I cannot remember if I have spoken of Maria in my blog before. Maria is the only woman member of our church service on Sunday evenings. She sits in the third row each Sunday and wears a veil covering her head during service. I did not know for many months what her nationality was I just assumed she was an American working in Iraq. When I learned that she was actually from Iraq I developed a list of questions that I wanted to ask her. I never asked her any of them because it just did not seem appropriate. These are just a couple of the questions I would have asked her given the chance. Question one: Have you been treated harshly for being a Christian here? I can only begin to imagine what it would be like to be a Christian living in this country. Think about it they would surely have to hide their bibles and read them in complete secrecy. People of the U.S. are permitted to read their bibles whenever and wherever yet so many bibles are dusty and new. I think of a basic training like ritual when it comes to her trying to read her bible at home. See in basic training there was a strict lights out policy at I believe it was 10 o’clock. After 10 the flashlights would come out and blankets would cover heads. Letters home were written this way, not because we were not allowed to write home but because this was the only time we had to do it. Can you a free citizen Imagine what it must have been like for a resident HERE in this country to study the bible. Things we take for granted.

The second question I wanted to ask was asked by a friend last night after service. The question simply put was do you think it will ever settle down over here.(the killing and bombings and such). Her answer was a quick yes. She said that not so much after the elections as after the trial. I personally was shocked at what she said next. She said once Saddam is killed that the country would become quiet once more. She explained how the bathists still believe that he (Saddam) will some how be freed and regain power once again. Once he is gone they will then begin to accept the new direction that the country is headed in.

The conversation continues, and I wondered how Jesus made his way to this country. It is strange but in my mind I just thought that Jesus only lived in the hearts of U.S. citizens. As my mind faded back into the conversation Maria exclaimed proudly that “Jesus is everywhere”. I have heard that all of my life but until this point had never really believed it, I guess. Jesus is everywhere! The Koran says something about once you are a believer of Islam you cannot be of any other religion. Yet there are Christians here. When asked if she thought Christianity would become stronger here she said that just in her home town or area, alone that there were maybe 500 to 1000 people who study the bible and believe, but quickly said that they would not tell anyone that, for fear of persecution. I hope that one day these people can study and believe as they chose to and can only hope that this in itself will not cause another Century of War…..

Go ahead and laugh, Man my toe hurts.

Throughout my blog I have talked of hitting the wall, well now I want to tell you about kicking the wall.

I stood on the median of the highway just outside of Baird Texas. The grass was green and the breeze was cool and blowing. I leaned on the back of my truck and was just admiring the world and reflecting on life, when I noticed a Rhino coming up the service road in my direction. A Rhino is a tan armored bus that resembles a Recreational Vehicle. As I followed this massive vehicle as it climbed the hill The M249 machine gun on the top came to life. As I checked the area I noted the target. The target was pigeons. Thousands and thousands of pigeons feathers flying everywhere. As the vehicle disappeared I quickly noted three Iraqi’s approaching me slowly. One of them was carrying an Ak-47 assault rifle. One of the other two leaned in and said something to the weapon yielding civilian at that he quickly turned and started firing into on coming traffic. Startled by the fired I grabbed my M4 rifle and began to load a magazine. As I slapped the magazine home one of the Iraqi’s grabbed my weapon and tried to wrestle it away from me. We struggled for a minute and then since I was unable to pull it from his grasp I decided to kick him. I rared back and kicked him with all my might. I was awaked by the sound of my foot crashing into the wall with a loud thud. I laid there for a second and then the pain hit me. In my odd dream I had struggled and then kicked the wall full force shoving my big toe far back in its socket. Now I am limping around and have actually been good for morale as I tell my story and let everyone enjoy the laugh. Man my toe hurts.