A Soldier
With all of the time in service that I have I cannot help but wonder if I am ready. I wonder if I will ever be ready. In the Bible it says thou shalt not kill, will I have to. I hope not but if it happens and it is them or me, I will not go down without a fight. If it should happen and I have to take a life, how will I deal with it? I cannot help but to feel like sadness would overcome me. Not the same sadness as losing a loved one but a sadness that seems like it would not lift. The Bible also says that no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his fellow man. Is this a glance into the future? God obviously knew that there would be fighting and this for me is almost justification to do what I do. The feelings inside are indescribable, Really wanting to go and really wanting to stay. This being my sons 18th year he will graduate from high school while I am away. This is the greatest disappointment of all. After all those years and encouragement and pride I will miss the thing I most looked forward to. It is like building something with your own hands but never seeing the finished product. He has given me many years of happiness and now I will be away when he graduates. I almost feel as if I have abandoned him. Lord Please If possible let me make it home for this event.
Friday, October 15, 2004
And he was a real soldier
And he was a Real Soldier
When he left home all he could think of was family. His main concern was returning safely but his second concern was bringing back everyone safe. As he thought of the perilous journey ahead he could see the smiling faces of family and friends. He would dwell on those pictures for the better part of the next year. His eyes glowed in front of his soldiers but at night in the dark they were sad as if to say why do I do this. As the sun peaked in the morning hours his face would return to its hardened stare. As he grew with this new group he came to realize some sense of happiness, but never forgetting where it was he called home. Home started to seem so far away as his new surroundings became his home. During his training several passes were given so he could return home, but he felt like a stranger in his own home. He tried to be involved for his family’s sake but he did not want to be there until he could stay there. The days at home flew by and the upcoming departure would be harder than the first. As he pulled out of the driveway and began the long drive the tears filled his eyes. Goodbye gets harder and harder. During the trip back, the attitude of a soldier returned. The mission, the distance and the time would not allow him to become what he was before he left. It was as if home had faded to gray in his colorful life. When they told him his holiday plans would be shorter than planned his response was that of a soldier. He tried to reassure his troops that they would still go home. As he sat late at night and pondered the coming mission he could not help but wonder if this would be his time. He sometimes questioned his own existence and that of a greater being. He knows that the mission must be accomplished but cannot help to have some fear. He will put his life on the line for what matters even if some people cannot understand. He will sleep when it is possible, train when it seems impossible and laugh at things that just seem ridiculous. Would he could he, the question will always be there but one thing is for certain he IS a REAL SOLDIER.
When he left home all he could think of was family. His main concern was returning safely but his second concern was bringing back everyone safe. As he thought of the perilous journey ahead he could see the smiling faces of family and friends. He would dwell on those pictures for the better part of the next year. His eyes glowed in front of his soldiers but at night in the dark they were sad as if to say why do I do this. As the sun peaked in the morning hours his face would return to its hardened stare. As he grew with this new group he came to realize some sense of happiness, but never forgetting where it was he called home. Home started to seem so far away as his new surroundings became his home. During his training several passes were given so he could return home, but he felt like a stranger in his own home. He tried to be involved for his family’s sake but he did not want to be there until he could stay there. The days at home flew by and the upcoming departure would be harder than the first. As he pulled out of the driveway and began the long drive the tears filled his eyes. Goodbye gets harder and harder. During the trip back, the attitude of a soldier returned. The mission, the distance and the time would not allow him to become what he was before he left. It was as if home had faded to gray in his colorful life. When they told him his holiday plans would be shorter than planned his response was that of a soldier. He tried to reassure his troops that they would still go home. As he sat late at night and pondered the coming mission he could not help but wonder if this would be his time. He sometimes questioned his own existence and that of a greater being. He knows that the mission must be accomplished but cannot help to have some fear. He will put his life on the line for what matters even if some people cannot understand. He will sleep when it is possible, train when it seems impossible and laugh at things that just seem ridiculous. Would he could he, the question will always be there but one thing is for certain he IS a REAL SOLDIER.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Deployed
Deployed
A whispered warning about a possible deployment crept through the unit like a bad rumor. As the tensions arose and the warning became a reality we saw the true colors of some soldiers. Some began to make excuses immediately. Some ran and hid. Other came up with mysterious illness’ that no one had ever heard of before.” I can’t go I’m in College”, some would say. “I can’t go I am an only child”. My question then becomes, “Why did you enlist in the first place?” Then it came, the word, the date and then we were gone. We have trained to do a specific job and that like many other things has changed too. We will go and do what it is that we are told too. Most did not want to go, but it is our Job. We arrived at the first stop of many and began to set a rhythm. The rhythm however took time to build. As a National Guard Unit, we must first relocate, taking us out of our element. We go where the training is. This causes us to look like we do not know what is going on…At First. As we grow and bond and welcome the fillers (personnel brought in to help fill our shortage of soldiers) we become a unit. Some leaders soon find that they are not cut out for the job at hand. Most Guard soldiers are civilians 29 days out of the month. They arrive questioning authority and some times lack the bearing required of a soldier. Slowly they begin to understand that we are training for war. As all of this comes together we become a proud force of Citizen Soldiers wanting to do the best that we can. The everyday stresses sometimes become quite overwhelming but we are starting to take them in stride. The life of a soldier is not easy but it is a life that many have come to love. The thought of dieing for my country does not strike me as pleasurable but the thought of defending her is a great honor.
A whispered warning about a possible deployment crept through the unit like a bad rumor. As the tensions arose and the warning became a reality we saw the true colors of some soldiers. Some began to make excuses immediately. Some ran and hid. Other came up with mysterious illness’ that no one had ever heard of before.” I can’t go I’m in College”, some would say. “I can’t go I am an only child”. My question then becomes, “Why did you enlist in the first place?” Then it came, the word, the date and then we were gone. We have trained to do a specific job and that like many other things has changed too. We will go and do what it is that we are told too. Most did not want to go, but it is our Job. We arrived at the first stop of many and began to set a rhythm. The rhythm however took time to build. As a National Guard Unit, we must first relocate, taking us out of our element. We go where the training is. This causes us to look like we do not know what is going on…At First. As we grow and bond and welcome the fillers (personnel brought in to help fill our shortage of soldiers) we become a unit. Some leaders soon find that they are not cut out for the job at hand. Most Guard soldiers are civilians 29 days out of the month. They arrive questioning authority and some times lack the bearing required of a soldier. Slowly they begin to understand that we are training for war. As all of this comes together we become a proud force of Citizen Soldiers wanting to do the best that we can. The everyday stresses sometimes become quite overwhelming but we are starting to take them in stride. The life of a soldier is not easy but it is a life that many have come to love. The thought of dieing for my country does not strike me as pleasurable but the thought of defending her is a great honor.
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