A Soldier

A Soldier
With all of the time in service that I have I cannot help but wonder if I am ready. I wonder if I will ever be ready. In the Bible it says thou shalt not kill, will I have to. I hope not but if it happens and it is them or me, I will not go down without a fight. If it should happen and I have to take a life, how will I deal with it? I cannot help but to feel like sadness would overcome me. Not the same sadness as losing a loved one but a sadness that seems like it would not lift. The Bible also says that no greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for his fellow man. Is this a glance into the future? God obviously knew that there would be fighting and this for me is almost justification to do what I do. The feelings inside are indescribable, Really wanting to go and really wanting to stay. This being my sons 18th year he will graduate from high school while I am away. This is the greatest disappointment of all. After all those years and encouragement and pride I will miss the thing I most looked forward to. It is like building something with your own hands but never seeing the finished product. He has given me many years of happiness and now I will be away when he graduates. I almost feel as if I have abandoned him. Lord Please If possible let me make it home for this event.