I sat this evening and wrote this poem. I really have nothing to write about. Had an inspection last week and did very well. Have not had any nicotene since the day I decided to quit. So really nothing to talk about. Well nothing that I can talk about anyway. So hope you enjoy this one.
THE EYES OF A SOLDIER
His eyes told a story that no one could know
All day he would hide it so it would not show
The echoes of gun shots ring through his head
Sometimes he hates it when it’s time for bed
His life was changed, drastically, so it would seems
His friends die beside him right there in his dreams
He wishes to save them as visions sadden his brain
The fighting the enemy the jungle and the rain
As he wakes from his bed, in a cold, cold sweat
He says dear Lord please don’t take me, I ain’t done yet
His life he would give to his country, his home
But he is just not ready for God to take him home.
Soldiers have a bond that joins them for life
Not like a mother, a son or daughter or wife
The bond I speak of is indescribably strong
Civilians don’t understand it, but these bonds last long
The unit stays together through thick and through thin
The battles do come to us, everyday over again
The battles will rage long after the war
The people the buddies the minds so sore
One thing is certain the one thing the same
No one person gets credit no one takes blame
The country is where it is for us today
Because of the soldier who in the mud did lay
As the sand is blowing and our eyes burn
This is our war, our time, it’s our turn
So to all of the Veterans of all other Wars
We got your backs so battle no more
Let the sad times go let the battles that rage
Live your life to the fullest let God turn the page
And when God comes calling, he will call your name
Go with him forever and show no shame
For the greatest ones of our country were the men just like you
Who fought for our freedoms and the Red, White, and Blue
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Enough is Enough.
Dear Mrs. Sheehan,
Congratulations on your recent arrest. I think you have finally achieved the ignorant notoriety that you were seeking. As I sit here and watch the news I wish there was a way to remove you from it. You in your loss have become the "mini fonda" of this war. I am sure that your son looks down upon you and is not pleased with what he sees. I pray that while all of this is going on here that your son is too busy to notice the bad name and shame you are bringing to his life and your family name. Ma’am your disgusting display of ignorance on the televisions of the world can only be described as pitiful.
The smile on your face brings sadness to mine.
I ask the Police dept that arrested you to keep you for as long as it takes for you to get over the sad loss of your son. Maybe some jail time will allow you the quiet time to reflect on what it is that you have done to the troops. Your demeaning display of “hated” for this cause is a terrible injustice to all soldiers serving anywhere.
Ma’am just go home, back to the life that you have wrecked in search of, answers?
You have successful lost your family twice I understand you lost your son to your first husband and then to the war. Please go home and quit trying to ruin other lives with your meaningless fight for….what is it this week?
Signed An AMERICAN SOLDIER
Jerry P Biggerstaff Jr
Somewhere Iraq
Congratulations on your recent arrest. I think you have finally achieved the ignorant notoriety that you were seeking. As I sit here and watch the news I wish there was a way to remove you from it. You in your loss have become the "mini fonda" of this war. I am sure that your son looks down upon you and is not pleased with what he sees. I pray that while all of this is going on here that your son is too busy to notice the bad name and shame you are bringing to his life and your family name. Ma’am your disgusting display of ignorance on the televisions of the world can only be described as pitiful.
The smile on your face brings sadness to mine.
I ask the Police dept that arrested you to keep you for as long as it takes for you to get over the sad loss of your son. Maybe some jail time will allow you the quiet time to reflect on what it is that you have done to the troops. Your demeaning display of “hated” for this cause is a terrible injustice to all soldiers serving anywhere.
Ma’am just go home, back to the life that you have wrecked in search of, answers?
You have successful lost your family twice I understand you lost your son to your first husband and then to the war. Please go home and quit trying to ruin other lives with your meaningless fight for….what is it this week?
Signed An AMERICAN SOLDIER
Jerry P Biggerstaff Jr
Somewhere Iraq
Monday, September 26, 2005
Even Soldiers Cry
As I cleaned my room tonight I came across a book on the bottom shelf covered in dust. Everything is always covered in dust. I picked it up and opened it. It was a journal that I had started before discovering the blog. It was written before we left on this adventure while driving 90 miles an hour home to see the family.
In his helmet he keeps a picture of his wife
To remind him of a happier time in his life
As a soldier of the risks he is aware
But also found someone with life to share
His kids are there as he turns to leave
He tries not to wear his emotions on his sleeve
He closes his eyes to fight off a tear
He smiles and waves and says "no fear"
Good-bye got harder and harder as the time drew near
Mission unknown His future unclear
Lives will change for better or worse
They say "We'll see you" he says not if I see you first
Love fills the air Emotion on high
Live life as a soldier never say die
Do the job you trained for never ask why
Live life as a soldier, even soldiers cry
Even Soldiers cry.........
In his helmet he keeps a picture of his wife
To remind him of a happier time in his life
As a soldier of the risks he is aware
But also found someone with life to share
His kids are there as he turns to leave
He tries not to wear his emotions on his sleeve
He closes his eyes to fight off a tear
He smiles and waves and says "no fear"
Good-bye got harder and harder as the time drew near
Mission unknown His future unclear
Lives will change for better or worse
They say "We'll see you" he says not if I see you first
Love fills the air Emotion on high
Live life as a soldier never say die
Do the job you trained for never ask why
Live life as a soldier, even soldiers cry
Even Soldiers cry.........
Sunday, September 25, 2005
Anniversary
Today I spent my second anniversary in a row away from home. I have been married 17 years and I remembered on my own but the day before. I did have to send out an email to verify the date because for the life of me I could not remember the month. I really felt bad about this and spent the better part of yesterday and today putting a video together for my loving wife. I wish there was a way to attach it to the site as I was very happy with the way it turned out. I love my wife and miss here dearly. What did I do for my anniversary? Well I went to church. I am going to watch NASCAR as well. I long to be at home with my family but cannot for some time longer. SO till then I’ll just pray that everything goes safely and quickly.
Maturity
There are kings and kids inside us all. The mature individual is one who can balance on that fine line between the two. One who can balance between the two might be known as a success but success can also be attributed to one who can successfully hide inner feelings. Kids and kings both have times that they might hide their inner most feelings. A kid might hide the fact that he took a cookie and got away with it or that he has a fear of the “dark”. Whatever the fear it seems best not discussed. The king does the same maybe with feelings of sending his soldiers into combat or other feelings. These feelings if not exposed can bottle up into an explosion. The balanced individual can speak about what is bothering him. Whether king or kid one might say that certain things must not be hidden they must be said. If the king tells the soldiers of his feelings of sadness about sending his soldiers into combat the soldiers would have a better respect for him. If the child does not get caught he will never tell on himself and will not learn the valuable lessons of life. There are kings and kids in us all. We need to let the king live and let the kids breath to maintain a balance in life.
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
Mr or Sir????
Awesome opportunity. I have the chance to apply for the job in the military that I have always wanted. I think I would be good at it. The problem is that I am unsure as to whether or not it is what I want to do anymore. The last year has clouded my judgment and made my outlook kind of weak. This job would turn me into one of the most respected ranks in the military in my opinion. I would become a Warrant Officer. This rank means simply put that you are the best in your field. I have seen good and bad Warrants during this adventure. However even the bad ones have their useful moments. I know that I could be a good one. I am stuck, as to what I should do. The problems are a move to the Big City of Austin, and the school. I am too old to go to a “basic training” type school again. What am I to do? I do not enjoy being yelled at. I do not have to be yelled at to get someone’s point. This is by far one of the hardest schools the military has to offer at my level. I just do not know. I do know that it is an all or nothing jump. The decision I make today I will have to live with tomorrow. I do not want to give up the house that I have put numerous hours of elbow grease and love into. The house that gives me so much pride when my wife says “I like my house”, but the prestige of becoming a Warrant (like Johnny) brings a great sense of accomplishment to my mind. Decisions Decisions. Lord I pray to you that you will help with the future of my family and help me with the decisions at hand. Assist me in making the right one.
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
More Bad News
With all of the catastrophic events that are occurring in the world today. The war In Iraq, the hurricanes that hit the numerous coastal states and many other things too numerous to mention, they have done it again. The atheists have once again gotten foothold on our society. I am not saying that this “religion” is not right but what I am saying is that they can teach their kids to say the pledge and omit whatever they want to but does this mean that I should not teach it to my children the full version. It makes me wonder can I sue this man for taking the “In God we Trust” out of my sons pledge or school? It is my right as a free citizen to have my son taught in the ways I see fit just as he does. Maybe the way to fix this is to create a “No God School” in each state and let all objectors of God and kids attend. Do these people spend the money created by our government that says “in God we Trust” on it. If so this is sacrilege. Can't have it in the pledge but they can carry it in their pockets and spend it. Is this the true definition of hypocrit. Maybe they will attack this next, but until then I say that these people should not be paid as it is against their “rights” to carry such a demeaning piece of paper in their pockets. Let them come here and tell these people that pray is not allowed in their schools. I know that this is where these people would stand up and say no “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN OUR SCHOOLS”. I am tired of all of the attempts to make society Religion free. Not having a religion is a religion in itself. So I say that no religion is a violation of my rights as a citizen of the United States of America. God is not allowed in our schools but guns are. I don’t care if you like it, I don’t care if you agree with it, I think if you don’t love it leave it. Protest from somewhere to someone who will listen and I say GOD BLESS THE USA because it was formed “UNDER GOD” and he will return to “HARVEST HIS PEOPLE” and these people will without a doubt be “LEFT BEHIND”.
Friday, September 16, 2005
Stop kickin' them around
THis is a question I recieved on email that I had to think to think about before I answered.
Hey there. After reading your latest entry in the blog today, I was wondering if you feel like these people will be able to defend themselves after the US pulls out or are you worried that someone else will step in and try to take over for Sadamm? Bush says these people aren’t ready yet, but are getting there and other news people think everything that is going on is not worth it. Seeing as you’re closer to the situation than most I was curious about your personal thoughts on the matter. –J.
I had to think a little on your question so as to answer it in a way that I believe fitting. SO here goes..
I believe that these people are wimps. They have been kicked around for so many years that they will need some support for a little while. It is kind of like that bully scenario I painted in my blog. I know all too well about the bully. See they pick on you they beat you up down and just break you down. Some without ever touching you. Then when you get your fill when you have finally had enough you stand up to him them whomever. Problem is these people did not do this for themselves. They had to have help to beat up this bully. So now they are trying to come out of the shell of fear. This shell is tough to remove as they have become accustom to living in it. I do believe that they will take over some time but as Mr. Bush says they are not ready yet. They are coming around. People(here) are reporting things that they never would have. Telling on a bully has repercussions but eyes are opening and they are beginning to see that they will have to stand for themselves on their own. All we have done is liberate, the rest is up to them but we will provide in essence security until it is done. The news media would have all believe that what we do here is not good. I am not sure why but lots of things just make no sense. I do know that if a bully on the block was picking on people I would stand up for my neighbor even if it meant repercussion. But that is why I am a soldier and some people are not.. Hope this makes sense. This is yet another one of those “touchy subjects”. Take care j
This holds true in many stances of life. The bullies can be anyone knowing or not.
Hey there. After reading your latest entry in the blog today, I was wondering if you feel like these people will be able to defend themselves after the US pulls out or are you worried that someone else will step in and try to take over for Sadamm? Bush says these people aren’t ready yet, but are getting there and other news people think everything that is going on is not worth it. Seeing as you’re closer to the situation than most I was curious about your personal thoughts on the matter. –J.
I had to think a little on your question so as to answer it in a way that I believe fitting. SO here goes..
I believe that these people are wimps. They have been kicked around for so many years that they will need some support for a little while. It is kind of like that bully scenario I painted in my blog. I know all too well about the bully. See they pick on you they beat you up down and just break you down. Some without ever touching you. Then when you get your fill when you have finally had enough you stand up to him them whomever. Problem is these people did not do this for themselves. They had to have help to beat up this bully. So now they are trying to come out of the shell of fear. This shell is tough to remove as they have become accustom to living in it. I do believe that they will take over some time but as Mr. Bush says they are not ready yet. They are coming around. People(here) are reporting things that they never would have. Telling on a bully has repercussions but eyes are opening and they are beginning to see that they will have to stand for themselves on their own. All we have done is liberate, the rest is up to them but we will provide in essence security until it is done. The news media would have all believe that what we do here is not good. I am not sure why but lots of things just make no sense. I do know that if a bully on the block was picking on people I would stand up for my neighbor even if it meant repercussion. But that is why I am a soldier and some people are not.. Hope this makes sense. This is yet another one of those “touchy subjects”. Take care j
This holds true in many stances of life. The bullies can be anyone knowing or not.
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Just Sad
Pain in life is brought about by many things but one of the most severe cases of pain is brought about by change. Ever known someone and acted differently in front of them for whatever reason. Reasons could range from fear or confrontation to just wanted to be some one else. Then you realize that the acting is not right as it does not allow for people to react to the true person. Well that has happened to me. I have always tried to be the supportive and understanding person. Driving miles and miles to help people in their time of need. Not asking for anything in return. In the event of confrontation just letting it go or acting as if it was not seen. I have examined my life and have found that I do not stand up for myself or my family. I am a grown Mature man and realize that what I have done is wrong. I have acted as someone else for so long that I am not sure who I am. I do know that right and wrong is ever apparent in all walks of life it is just some choose not to see it or to see it and act anyway. God is in my life. Maybe not as completely as I would choose but he is gaining strength. I feel a sense of loss as the people who I am trying to explain this to have told me things that just do not seem real or fair. I am immature. I married at age 19. I have been a father since. People tell me that I am a good father. I have even been told by some of Russ’ kin folks that I have done a wonderful job with him. I can only hope that he has not learned the fake faces and will not distance himself from family to avoid confrontation. I love my family and hoped that they could understand the soul searching that I have been doing here. I can only hope when the smoke clears and the attitudes return to normal that we can be completely honest with each other not matter the pain involved. I have missed family and want the feelings of uneasiness to subside before I return home. Don’t know that it will, but I can always Pray.
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Meeting House of a Mad man
Today I went and visited the Bath(not sure of the spelling. Party house. This was where we saw Sadamn sitting behind a large circular board room type table before the war. Numerous interviews were done from this table. There were many bathrooms as this man had issue with his hands apparently. After greetings or just a compulsion he had to wash his hands all of the time. As we walked through the literal Ruins of this building I was reminded of a phrase coined by “Steve Erkle” with a Slight change to it…….”DID WE DO THAT?”.Damn right we did and now his people are benefiting from it. The place was not well built and it was evident, but then again what building would stand up to the bombs that hit it. Through the holes in the walls you could see the poor craftsmanship. It looked almost as if they made the inside marble walls and then poured cement down in between them. Not to mention broken bricks and such. If this man would have had a brain he would have been dangerous. The money spent in these monstrous structures was money well wasted…. He could have spent the money on better the society and lives of his people. He could still be in power with a people who would have defended him to the death. Instead he was a hidden man as given the chance his people would surely kill him. Body doubles and hidden passages and tunnels to get him from point A to B.
The structure had tall walls and you could see at one time it was a beautiful place. From the floor the different rooms could be seen of course the destruction of the place was visible in all rooms. I cannot imagine being in the building when the bombs hit. The whole place shook the floors buckled the ceilings collapsed and some of Iraq’s most sadistic people died. There were false walls inside that hid rooms from everyone. Some of them were still in tact. I wonder what he hid in these walls Money, people or just himself. From this building there were many tunnels under the water. You could actually walk under the water in a tunnel from one building to the next. Why? Why was this man compelled to spend all that money making these things? Fear……He was most definitely afraid of what his people would do to him without protection. After looking at the tunnels from the roof we went to one of his bunkers.
.The doors to the bunker were about a foot thick and there were several of them before we got to the inside. The bunker itself did not appear to me to be real safe. It was almost above ground. It was in a mound of dirt that was really visible but maybe not from the air. I just thought he was a rat when we came to get him but this man was a rat in more ways than one all of his life.
The guide said that there was a tunnel that led to the airport big enough to drive a truck through. That is crazy. I guess he had always planned for an invasion? Or maybe it was to protect him from his own people? I am glad that I did not grow up here live here and I pray to God that I do not die here. This place was a nightmare for his people, with the elections and liberation we have awakened a free people.
The structure had tall walls and you could see at one time it was a beautiful place. From the floor the different rooms could be seen of course the destruction of the place was visible in all rooms. I cannot imagine being in the building when the bombs hit. The whole place shook the floors buckled the ceilings collapsed and some of Iraq’s most sadistic people died. There were false walls inside that hid rooms from everyone. Some of them were still in tact. I wonder what he hid in these walls Money, people or just himself. From this building there were many tunnels under the water. You could actually walk under the water in a tunnel from one building to the next. Why? Why was this man compelled to spend all that money making these things? Fear……He was most definitely afraid of what his people would do to him without protection. After looking at the tunnels from the roof we went to one of his bunkers.
.The doors to the bunker were about a foot thick and there were several of them before we got to the inside. The bunker itself did not appear to me to be real safe. It was almost above ground. It was in a mound of dirt that was really visible but maybe not from the air. I just thought he was a rat when we came to get him but this man was a rat in more ways than one all of his life.
The guide said that there was a tunnel that led to the airport big enough to drive a truck through. That is crazy. I guess he had always planned for an invasion? Or maybe it was to protect him from his own people? I am glad that I did not grow up here live here and I pray to God that I do not die here. This place was a nightmare for his people, with the elections and liberation we have awakened a free people.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Thank you
Kind people,
We are still here. We work daily in an effort to provide freedom and ensure that our country remains free and as terror free as possible. I cannot speak for all soldiers but I know, that the vast majority of the people at home support us. I assure you that I share the wonderful cards and kind words sent by you with my fellow soldiers. The out-pouring of support received by family, friends and strangers alike is a testimony to the great foundation that our nation was built on. It gives me great pride to serve my country but it makes it just that much better to know that we are supported by those who matter.
We are, however, all to aware of the protestors who disagree with what we do here. We see them on the news mostly when we eat chow. She says she wants to meet with the president or they say no blood for oil. I say to them if there is no reason for us to be here then by all means come here on vacation. Come visit the very places that do not need our help. Maybe upon return to our wonderful country these people would appreciate their freedoms a bit more.
Anyway I wanted to send this letter and say thank you for supporting us over here. My parents tell me that you don’t know what to send in support of us here. In light of recent events I say take care of the home front first, donate time and effort to help out the victims of the hurricane and just keep supporting the soldiers in thoughts and prayers. We do what we do so you can do what you do. We are fighting for freedom for all. Thanks for the prayers. I know "He is watching over us".
THANK YOU
Your husband, father, son, brother, friend,
Jerry Biggerstaff
Somewhere, Iraq
We are still here. We work daily in an effort to provide freedom and ensure that our country remains free and as terror free as possible. I cannot speak for all soldiers but I know, that the vast majority of the people at home support us. I assure you that I share the wonderful cards and kind words sent by you with my fellow soldiers. The out-pouring of support received by family, friends and strangers alike is a testimony to the great foundation that our nation was built on. It gives me great pride to serve my country but it makes it just that much better to know that we are supported by those who matter.
We are, however, all to aware of the protestors who disagree with what we do here. We see them on the news mostly when we eat chow. She says she wants to meet with the president or they say no blood for oil. I say to them if there is no reason for us to be here then by all means come here on vacation. Come visit the very places that do not need our help. Maybe upon return to our wonderful country these people would appreciate their freedoms a bit more.
Anyway I wanted to send this letter and say thank you for supporting us over here. My parents tell me that you don’t know what to send in support of us here. In light of recent events I say take care of the home front first, donate time and effort to help out the victims of the hurricane and just keep supporting the soldiers in thoughts and prayers. We do what we do so you can do what you do. We are fighting for freedom for all. Thanks for the prayers. I know "He is watching over us".
THANK YOU
Your husband, father, son, brother, friend,
Jerry Biggerstaff
Somewhere, Iraq
Saturday, September 03, 2005
Touchy Subject
The world is consumed with hatred? by whom?
As I sit and watch the events of the aftermath of the Hurricane unfold I sit in a somber sadness. I never once thought it would be said that the rescue efforts or delay of rescue efforts had something to do with race. Apparently there are some people who believe that the reason the relief is delayed to this disaster area has something to do with skin color. These accusers know nothing of what is going on and seem to have no concern to find out. I don’t know everything about this either but lets see this is the “worst disaster” in America since the early 1900’s. Some how this becomes the fault of whom? There was not much of a disaster plan in place and now that the relief is starting to arrive will we hear apologies from these “prejudice conspiracy pushers”. No we won’t we will continue to hear the same.
Shoot to kill orders have been given now. Shoot another American? This would be difficult but it comes down to who is shooting at whom and who shot first. I think with all that is going on that I am safer here than I would be at assisting in Hurricane relief efforts. The looters and the shooters shooting at the very rescuers who have been sent to help people in a dark hour. Alot of the population of Lousianna is dirt poor and some of these people are looking for a free hand out or to loot their way to a better lifestyle.
I am not a person to judge someone by the color of their skin. I know that there are good and bad in all people in all walks of life. I have been raised to know and understand that there is no difference in the ethnicities of people only in lifestyles and upbringing. I do not pretend to accept or agree with what was done to people brought from Africa and forced into labor in the States. I am thankful that the world is not like this any longer?
Mr. Lincoln did the right thing when the slaves were freed. But will everyone ever be considered equal. It saddens me to think that in this century people still think of differnces in color instead of judging people for who they are. People of all walks of life need to grow up and remember that all men where created by one God and that there were no differences then and there are no differences now. As far as no support being sent because these people are black I say that this is just a misguided perception of small few to cause an uprising among an already disheartened people. Please pray for these people as I do and will continue and if you find it in your heart to donate or help out in anyway I am sure that it will be appreciated and that the rewards received in Heaven will be greater than can ever be imagined…..
As I sit and watch the events of the aftermath of the Hurricane unfold I sit in a somber sadness. I never once thought it would be said that the rescue efforts or delay of rescue efforts had something to do with race. Apparently there are some people who believe that the reason the relief is delayed to this disaster area has something to do with skin color. These accusers know nothing of what is going on and seem to have no concern to find out. I don’t know everything about this either but lets see this is the “worst disaster” in America since the early 1900’s. Some how this becomes the fault of whom? There was not much of a disaster plan in place and now that the relief is starting to arrive will we hear apologies from these “prejudice conspiracy pushers”. No we won’t we will continue to hear the same.
Shoot to kill orders have been given now. Shoot another American? This would be difficult but it comes down to who is shooting at whom and who shot first. I think with all that is going on that I am safer here than I would be at assisting in Hurricane relief efforts. The looters and the shooters shooting at the very rescuers who have been sent to help people in a dark hour. Alot of the population of Lousianna is dirt poor and some of these people are looking for a free hand out or to loot their way to a better lifestyle.
I am not a person to judge someone by the color of their skin. I know that there are good and bad in all people in all walks of life. I have been raised to know and understand that there is no difference in the ethnicities of people only in lifestyles and upbringing. I do not pretend to accept or agree with what was done to people brought from Africa and forced into labor in the States. I am thankful that the world is not like this any longer?
Mr. Lincoln did the right thing when the slaves were freed. But will everyone ever be considered equal. It saddens me to think that in this century people still think of differnces in color instead of judging people for who they are. People of all walks of life need to grow up and remember that all men where created by one God and that there were no differences then and there are no differences now. As far as no support being sent because these people are black I say that this is just a misguided perception of small few to cause an uprising among an already disheartened people. Please pray for these people as I do and will continue and if you find it in your heart to donate or help out in anyway I am sure that it will be appreciated and that the rewards received in Heaven will be greater than can ever be imagined…..
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Stage Three "the Ride of My Life"
Stage three.
The most dangerous thing I have ever done by far. Make it to the CITY without getting blown up. As I stood and listened to the briefing I prayed, as I loaded up in the truck I prayed. As we pulled out the gate I prayed. One and a half hours and I slide into home….SAFE!!!!!!.
The night was very dark and nothing could be seen except the lights on the roadsides. It is a strange site to see fluorescent lights outside at night but most of the smaller houses had them. I could not see much further than that in the darkness. And we drove through checkpoints on the wrong side of the highway and then the right side of the highway. Ever vigilant was the driver to ensure that he did not cross over the top of anything on the roadway. I cannot imagine trying to drive like this. It brings defensive driving to a new level. How many times had I at home been driving and seen something in the road, dead animal coke can anything and just centered it on the truck and kept right on going. Scanning the road ahead the driver and Co-driver relay info back and forth and the co-driver to the rest of the convoy. It was like a well oiled machine if one missed something then the other one caught it. I just sat there with eyes wide open looking for things that did not look right not knowing what would explode. We trained for this type of thing prior to coming over but I had never seen it this close and the training was pretty darn good. We complained while receiving the training but now I see that it was right on the mark. (as far as convoy training goes) As we approached the CITY we slowed checked for the convoy they were quite a ways back As we get close to the city the worst thing you could ever imagine as a GI came over the radio. The radio traffic that night only came from the internal convoy radio frequencies. So we heard things like convoy speeds and things like that to keep us abreast of distances and things. Then I hear IED!!! IED!!!! It was one of the guys at the back of our convoy. I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest. How would I explain to someone that this was actually my choice and that I did not have to go this route home? As I sat and thought about what was going on I realized that if I heard someone say IED then I was in no danger if I had not seen it. At least that was my reasoning. We kept on hauling but and a short time later found out that it was in the other lane of traffic. We all breathe a sigh of relief but know that it could have been one of our comrades out there who will never make it home. We will never know. The rest of the trip I spent in a quiet meditation and finally reached my drop off point, my safety barrier. The wall that had closed in on me so many days before was now a welcome wide open country that I will not leave again unless there is absolutely no way around it. One thing is for certain I may not be a Real Soldier in my mind but I met some real soldiers this night. I know that what I do makes a difference and I know that I will have a different outlook on things from this point on. I pray for the safe return of the Convoy escorts and I thank them for giving me the ride of my life.
The most dangerous thing I have ever done by far. Make it to the CITY without getting blown up. As I stood and listened to the briefing I prayed, as I loaded up in the truck I prayed. As we pulled out the gate I prayed. One and a half hours and I slide into home….SAFE!!!!!!.
The night was very dark and nothing could be seen except the lights on the roadsides. It is a strange site to see fluorescent lights outside at night but most of the smaller houses had them. I could not see much further than that in the darkness. And we drove through checkpoints on the wrong side of the highway and then the right side of the highway. Ever vigilant was the driver to ensure that he did not cross over the top of anything on the roadway. I cannot imagine trying to drive like this. It brings defensive driving to a new level. How many times had I at home been driving and seen something in the road, dead animal coke can anything and just centered it on the truck and kept right on going. Scanning the road ahead the driver and Co-driver relay info back and forth and the co-driver to the rest of the convoy. It was like a well oiled machine if one missed something then the other one caught it. I just sat there with eyes wide open looking for things that did not look right not knowing what would explode. We trained for this type of thing prior to coming over but I had never seen it this close and the training was pretty darn good. We complained while receiving the training but now I see that it was right on the mark. (as far as convoy training goes) As we approached the CITY we slowed checked for the convoy they were quite a ways back As we get close to the city the worst thing you could ever imagine as a GI came over the radio. The radio traffic that night only came from the internal convoy radio frequencies. So we heard things like convoy speeds and things like that to keep us abreast of distances and things. Then I hear IED!!! IED!!!! It was one of the guys at the back of our convoy. I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest. How would I explain to someone that this was actually my choice and that I did not have to go this route home? As I sat and thought about what was going on I realized that if I heard someone say IED then I was in no danger if I had not seen it. At least that was my reasoning. We kept on hauling but and a short time later found out that it was in the other lane of traffic. We all breathe a sigh of relief but know that it could have been one of our comrades out there who will never make it home. We will never know. The rest of the trip I spent in a quiet meditation and finally reached my drop off point, my safety barrier. The wall that had closed in on me so many days before was now a welcome wide open country that I will not leave again unless there is absolutely no way around it. One thing is for certain I may not be a Real Soldier in my mind but I met some real soldiers this night. I know that what I do makes a difference and I know that I will have a different outlook on things from this point on. I pray for the safe return of the Convoy escorts and I thank them for giving me the ride of my life.
Stage Two
Stage two.
We towed the truck in to Camp. We checked in made it around through the fuel point and then to the motor pool. Locked them up and headed for some much needed shut eye. Remember I said that I had spent the night at the Airport the night before and if you think I slept on the journey you are crazy. As we traveled things seemed to jump out of the shadows at me making me twitch in my seat. Now it is time to sleep bed can’t wait. Hey this tent is hot what the hell. The air is broken in the tent so we try to sleep in the heat sweating like pigs. We did not have plans to stay here but due to the needed repairs to the vehicle we had to change plans. So there I lay soaked through and through thinking about the activity reported at this place just the night before. Mortars had sent people scrambling for cover. We lay there for a while and then one of the guys came in and said that he had scouted out another tent with A/C. I knew that it was not the right thing to do but did not care; at that point, I just needed to get out of the heat and get some sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. However shortly after some other soldiers showed up saying that they had signed for the tent and the squatters were kicked to the curb. We went back to the Sauna tent and lay down. By this time the outside temp was probably around 80 degrees and the temp in the tent was around 90 or so. It was hot but sleep was on me and sleep I did…. Next morning good news, It was the power steering pump that had caused such a problem and they had one on the camp and got it fixed. We spent the day lounging around. The other two guys in the tent with me slept most of the morning.(they work night shift) I was up at the crack of down and after smelling myself headed for a shower, then to the MWR to watch a movie. This was a tent with the A/C blowing full force. I lay across about 6 chairs and it was not long till I was out. I woke up in time to catch the last of Ghost the movie that was starting as I lay down. I checked in at the tent and found that the other guy’s tent had A/C so I pulled my mattress out of the hot tent and put it on the floor in the other tent. There were three mattresses on the floor of the tent when it was all said and done as the other two guys followed suit. We knapped away most of the afternoon into the early evening then it was Go time once again.
We towed the truck in to Camp. We checked in made it around through the fuel point and then to the motor pool. Locked them up and headed for some much needed shut eye. Remember I said that I had spent the night at the Airport the night before and if you think I slept on the journey you are crazy. As we traveled things seemed to jump out of the shadows at me making me twitch in my seat. Now it is time to sleep bed can’t wait. Hey this tent is hot what the hell. The air is broken in the tent so we try to sleep in the heat sweating like pigs. We did not have plans to stay here but due to the needed repairs to the vehicle we had to change plans. So there I lay soaked through and through thinking about the activity reported at this place just the night before. Mortars had sent people scrambling for cover. We lay there for a while and then one of the guys came in and said that he had scouted out another tent with A/C. I knew that it was not the right thing to do but did not care; at that point, I just needed to get out of the heat and get some sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. However shortly after some other soldiers showed up saying that they had signed for the tent and the squatters were kicked to the curb. We went back to the Sauna tent and lay down. By this time the outside temp was probably around 80 degrees and the temp in the tent was around 90 or so. It was hot but sleep was on me and sleep I did…. Next morning good news, It was the power steering pump that had caused such a problem and they had one on the camp and got it fixed. We spent the day lounging around. The other two guys in the tent with me slept most of the morning.(they work night shift) I was up at the crack of down and after smelling myself headed for a shower, then to the MWR to watch a movie. This was a tent with the A/C blowing full force. I lay across about 6 chairs and it was not long till I was out. I woke up in time to catch the last of Ghost the movie that was starting as I lay down. I checked in at the tent and found that the other guy’s tent had A/C so I pulled my mattress out of the hot tent and put it on the floor in the other tent. There were three mattresses on the floor of the tent when it was all said and done as the other two guys followed suit. We knapped away most of the afternoon into the early evening then it was Go time once again.
Stage One
Stage 1
The trip had three stages the first stage being the longest. After what seemed like an eternity of riding in the truck we arrive at the first stop. As I sat and relaxed I began to realize things about myself that became all too unsettling. The first thing that popped into my mind was that at any point during this trip I could hear the words IED......... or not hear the words and just be dead, not living, no more. Gone, without life, history. These thoughts took me spinning like I was inside a kaleidoscope towards family and home. I saw my wife and kids standing over me looking down upon my lifeless body crying. The flag draped casket looking ever powerful. I began to understand things about life that I had never pondered before. The complaining and whining that I had done since arriving in this country all boiled down to just one thing whining. These guys, two in front and one on top in the gunner position do this everyday. They load up and drive these “highways of death” without complaint without talk of death. They just do what they have to do and try to enjoy it as much as they can. I salute these real Heroes and real soldiers for I am just a small part of the game and they are a big part of the Success of this adventure. Death, fascinating, wondering if what we believe is really there, or if we just die into blackness. These things would haunt me for the next several hours. As we drove quickly through the darkness, I noted that the roads had no stripes. It was just as black as the night, hard to see at times. As we drove we crossed from the southbound lanes to the north bound and back again. This in itself was scary. How about stopping on a dark highway blocking traffic watching as the vehicles approached? The gunner on top is responsible for stopping traffic using any method necessary. This time he only had to use his spot light to light up the cab of the trucks or cars and they would hurriedly pull off the road and turn off their lights. They know that the military is not a force to be reckoned with. We could see the convoy lights but they seemed to be fading and then they disappeared. We made a hasty u-turn. Not a TV u-turn as the up-armored HUMMV is like a tank and seems to me to be really top heavy. We headed back. As we were headed that way a voice reported that we had a truck with a blown engine. One of the HUMMVs was stopped with the hood up and soldiers scrambled all over to find the source of the massive leak. Being a mechanic I knew that it was not the engine but did not look at it. They quickly hooked up a tow bar and got it ready to tow. I stood on the side of the highway in utter disbelief. The darkness, the thoughts of be-headings instinctively put my hand on my 9 mm as I scanned the darkness beyond the glare from the flashlights. There was a sense of urgency among the others but none had shown one ounce of fear. I think that was my job. I did not show it to them but I did not do a lot of anything just scanned the darkness for the enemy. Thankfully I did not see anything and we were loaded up and off to the races again. For the next 30 minutes or so I sat and listened to my heart slow from a pound to a regular heart beat again. To think at any minute within the last 3 and half hours I could have ceased to exist. Makes life matter so much more. These guys do this kind of thing 5 or 6 times a week and I complain about what I do??? Do I really have room to do so?? So we get to the end of stage one.
The trip had three stages the first stage being the longest. After what seemed like an eternity of riding in the truck we arrive at the first stop. As I sat and relaxed I began to realize things about myself that became all too unsettling. The first thing that popped into my mind was that at any point during this trip I could hear the words IED......... or not hear the words and just be dead, not living, no more. Gone, without life, history. These thoughts took me spinning like I was inside a kaleidoscope towards family and home. I saw my wife and kids standing over me looking down upon my lifeless body crying. The flag draped casket looking ever powerful. I began to understand things about life that I had never pondered before. The complaining and whining that I had done since arriving in this country all boiled down to just one thing whining. These guys, two in front and one on top in the gunner position do this everyday. They load up and drive these “highways of death” without complaint without talk of death. They just do what they have to do and try to enjoy it as much as they can. I salute these real Heroes and real soldiers for I am just a small part of the game and they are a big part of the Success of this adventure. Death, fascinating, wondering if what we believe is really there, or if we just die into blackness. These things would haunt me for the next several hours. As we drove quickly through the darkness, I noted that the roads had no stripes. It was just as black as the night, hard to see at times. As we drove we crossed from the southbound lanes to the north bound and back again. This in itself was scary. How about stopping on a dark highway blocking traffic watching as the vehicles approached? The gunner on top is responsible for stopping traffic using any method necessary. This time he only had to use his spot light to light up the cab of the trucks or cars and they would hurriedly pull off the road and turn off their lights. They know that the military is not a force to be reckoned with. We could see the convoy lights but they seemed to be fading and then they disappeared. We made a hasty u-turn. Not a TV u-turn as the up-armored HUMMV is like a tank and seems to me to be really top heavy. We headed back. As we were headed that way a voice reported that we had a truck with a blown engine. One of the HUMMVs was stopped with the hood up and soldiers scrambled all over to find the source of the massive leak. Being a mechanic I knew that it was not the engine but did not look at it. They quickly hooked up a tow bar and got it ready to tow. I stood on the side of the highway in utter disbelief. The darkness, the thoughts of be-headings instinctively put my hand on my 9 mm as I scanned the darkness beyond the glare from the flashlights. There was a sense of urgency among the others but none had shown one ounce of fear. I think that was my job. I did not show it to them but I did not do a lot of anything just scanned the darkness for the enemy. Thankfully I did not see anything and we were loaded up and off to the races again. For the next 30 minutes or so I sat and listened to my heart slow from a pound to a regular heart beat again. To think at any minute within the last 3 and half hours I could have ceased to exist. Makes life matter so much more. These guys do this kind of thing 5 or 6 times a week and I complain about what I do??? Do I really have room to do so?? So we get to the end of stage one.
the Road Ahead
27 August 2005
What happens next will keep you on the edge of your seat…..As It did me for some 36 hours. No flight to the CITY till Tuesday so the only alternative to get me back to work is Convoy through no mans land. I have wanted to get out of the walls for a while but not sure that this was exactly how I wanted to spend my time. So I get it set up and make contact with a seasoned young Staff Sergeant. His look was that of pride and it was obvious that he demanded respect from his troops and that he was given full respect. He told me what seat I would be riding in and I set out getting my stuff ready. I had already “acquired” (great supply word) extra ammo. I was carrying only a 9mm but I had 100 rounds for it. I had plenty of ammo but I was not ready for the road ahead. I am not sure if one could ever be ready for the road ahead.
What happens next will keep you on the edge of your seat…..As It did me for some 36 hours. No flight to the CITY till Tuesday so the only alternative to get me back to work is Convoy through no mans land. I have wanted to get out of the walls for a while but not sure that this was exactly how I wanted to spend my time. So I get it set up and make contact with a seasoned young Staff Sergeant. His look was that of pride and it was obvious that he demanded respect from his troops and that he was given full respect. He told me what seat I would be riding in and I set out getting my stuff ready. I had already “acquired” (great supply word) extra ammo. I was carrying only a 9mm but I had 100 rounds for it. I had plenty of ammo but I was not ready for the road ahead. I am not sure if one could ever be ready for the road ahead.
Spent a week there one night...
26 August 2005
I have waited 3 days to get out of here. This place is hell. I thank my God in Heaven that I did not get the mission to stay here as this would have surely been “drawing the short straw”. I really appreciate what I have been provided after seeing this. Living in trailers or tents they do have AC but they just do not have it as good as we do. Tried numerous times to schedule a flight, even tried to fly with the Aussie’s but to no avail. (This is the account of the airport on 26 August) Flight was scheduled to leave at 1930 so we had to be at the airport 2 hours early. So here we are sitting in the sunlight waiting. Only 6 people headed back to the CITY. We load the bus and head off down the road to the plane. Upon arrival at the plane the bus driver got out and talked with the crew. They said that the plane was broke and that it would be an” HOUR”. So back to the terminal, more sitting in the sun in the ever popular “hurry up and wait status”. As I sat there I knew the outcome that we would be faced with that evening and even shared it with a couple of other would be passengers. “You do know that we are not flying tonight? Right?”
“You really think so” he said. Yep (I hate being right sometimes and this was one of those times.) Delayed till 1000 delayed till 1100 delay till 345am. “Check in at 1200” So we grabbed a cot and caught a wink or two. I rose at midnight and made the trip back to the counter in the terminal and was finally told “Flight canceled”. I smiled and turned and walked away cursing all the way to the door internally but I had known this all along. After speaking with one of the other passengers we returned to the terminal checked on other flights going to the CITY. “Nothing till Tuesday we were told”. So we scheduled a flight to another location and from there we were hoping to catch a connection. Flight time 1000 am with a report time of two hours prior. So we walked to the mess hall and ate and made it back to the terminal for some much needed rest at around 2 or 3 am. Wake up check in and board the bus. This time we load the plane and wait for take off. Flight time to the alternate destination approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes. Woohoo we are taking off. In-flight the Load masters keeps coming to my side and looking out the window. What’s the deal I wonder? Little did I know that this question would be answered soon enough and much to the dismay of all passengers on-board? Now you might think that the plane is going down or something like that well after 1 hour and 30 minutes we land. We taxi for awhile and then the back door opens to reveal……………..The same damn place we just left from…..I was Steaming mad. Apparently the plane was broke when we took off and I guess they wanted to see if it would fix itself in flight? Heck I don’t know but I do know that we flew over halfway to where we were going and then turned around and headed back………….. Upon arrival at the counter to find out what we were supposed to do “a nice air force lady” (sarcasm) told us not to go to far because if they called to re-board we would have to be ready on a moments notice. By this time I am steamed and told them that I was leaving and going to eat and if the damned plane was gone with I got back then so be it. Wanting to say more but biting my tongue as I am just short of the middle of the totem pole. So I left and grabbed some food and came back and the plane was still there of course and I was full and feeling a bit better. Well this story has been too long already so lets shorten this up by saying the FLIGHT WAS Cancelled.
I have waited 3 days to get out of here. This place is hell. I thank my God in Heaven that I did not get the mission to stay here as this would have surely been “drawing the short straw”. I really appreciate what I have been provided after seeing this. Living in trailers or tents they do have AC but they just do not have it as good as we do. Tried numerous times to schedule a flight, even tried to fly with the Aussie’s but to no avail. (This is the account of the airport on 26 August) Flight was scheduled to leave at 1930 so we had to be at the airport 2 hours early. So here we are sitting in the sunlight waiting. Only 6 people headed back to the CITY. We load the bus and head off down the road to the plane. Upon arrival at the plane the bus driver got out and talked with the crew. They said that the plane was broke and that it would be an” HOUR”. So back to the terminal, more sitting in the sun in the ever popular “hurry up and wait status”. As I sat there I knew the outcome that we would be faced with that evening and even shared it with a couple of other would be passengers. “You do know that we are not flying tonight? Right?”
“You really think so” he said. Yep (I hate being right sometimes and this was one of those times.) Delayed till 1000 delayed till 1100 delay till 345am. “Check in at 1200” So we grabbed a cot and caught a wink or two. I rose at midnight and made the trip back to the counter in the terminal and was finally told “Flight canceled”. I smiled and turned and walked away cursing all the way to the door internally but I had known this all along. After speaking with one of the other passengers we returned to the terminal checked on other flights going to the CITY. “Nothing till Tuesday we were told”. So we scheduled a flight to another location and from there we were hoping to catch a connection. Flight time 1000 am with a report time of two hours prior. So we walked to the mess hall and ate and made it back to the terminal for some much needed rest at around 2 or 3 am. Wake up check in and board the bus. This time we load the plane and wait for take off. Flight time to the alternate destination approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes. Woohoo we are taking off. In-flight the Load masters keeps coming to my side and looking out the window. What’s the deal I wonder? Little did I know that this question would be answered soon enough and much to the dismay of all passengers on-board? Now you might think that the plane is going down or something like that well after 1 hour and 30 minutes we land. We taxi for awhile and then the back door opens to reveal……………..The same damn place we just left from…..I was Steaming mad. Apparently the plane was broke when we took off and I guess they wanted to see if it would fix itself in flight? Heck I don’t know but I do know that we flew over halfway to where we were going and then turned around and headed back………….. Upon arrival at the counter to find out what we were supposed to do “a nice air force lady” (sarcasm) told us not to go to far because if they called to re-board we would have to be ready on a moments notice. By this time I am steamed and told them that I was leaving and going to eat and if the damned plane was gone with I got back then so be it. Wanting to say more but biting my tongue as I am just short of the middle of the totem pole. So I left and grabbed some food and came back and the plane was still there of course and I was full and feeling a bit better. Well this story has been too long already so lets shorten this up by saying the FLIGHT WAS Cancelled.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
Still just a peanut....
23 August 2005
Day 1 mission complete… I thought it would take at least two days to accomplish the mission as I have heard rumor of who I would be dealing with when I arrived and have been told that this individual does not know his job. I know my job and also know his so I did his part too and he could not help but sign as his part was finished too. The proficiency at which the tasks were accomplished surprised even me.( pardon me while I toot my own horn) When you’re good they call you “Cracker Jack” but I am still just a peanut…..ha………………..ha…………..
Day 1 mission complete… I thought it would take at least two days to accomplish the mission as I have heard rumor of who I would be dealing with when I arrived and have been told that this individual does not know his job. I know my job and also know his so I did his part too and he could not help but sign as his part was finished too. The proficiency at which the tasks were accomplished surprised even me.( pardon me while I toot my own horn) When you’re good they call you “Cracker Jack” but I am still just a peanut…..ha………………..ha…………..
What no stewardess????
22 August 2005
As I sit here in a C-130 (airplane) with Blackout lights on I am not worried. I have not let myself worry for sometime now. I know that I will go home when it is time and have not feared death in a while. The last trips were bothersome but this one is “fly down there do the job and fly back”. My dream of flying on a Blackhawk helicopter on hold for a while as there were no “helo” flights down to where I am going, so for now I sit in the belly of this beast sweating profusely awaiting for take-off. I sure hope the Air works because it is hot in here. I have been told that return flights are hard to get so a convoy may be in my future as a ride back to my temporary home in “the CITY”. For now C-130 nose down coming in for a landing. The pilots go nose down and drop out of the sky so they maintain a maximum altitude while over no mans land in case some one might shoot something at us. Well, one hour fifteen minutes south and very uneventful. At least to us inside this big beast but no telling what is going on outside the plane as we fly over no mans land. No in-flight movie no peanuts just hot and loud............... touchdown.
As I sit here in a C-130 (airplane) with Blackout lights on I am not worried. I have not let myself worry for sometime now. I know that I will go home when it is time and have not feared death in a while. The last trips were bothersome but this one is “fly down there do the job and fly back”. My dream of flying on a Blackhawk helicopter on hold for a while as there were no “helo” flights down to where I am going, so for now I sit in the belly of this beast sweating profusely awaiting for take-off. I sure hope the Air works because it is hot in here. I have been told that return flights are hard to get so a convoy may be in my future as a ride back to my temporary home in “the CITY”. For now C-130 nose down coming in for a landing. The pilots go nose down and drop out of the sky so they maintain a maximum altitude while over no mans land in case some one might shoot something at us. Well, one hour fifteen minutes south and very uneventful. At least to us inside this big beast but no telling what is going on outside the plane as we fly over no mans land. No in-flight movie no peanuts just hot and loud............... touchdown.
Monday, August 29, 2005
This is what soldiers do
Well I am back in the office now. In order for you to fully appreciate where I have been and what I have been up to you will have to read the rest of the blog. This will be a long drawn out story as you will see. I met some heroes and did some things that most soldiers would never do given the choice. This was a choice that I made and I am the wiser for it. Just so we understand. I do not intend to scare anyone this was something I needed to do and made it through. So please don't tell me I told you so…………..
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