A gray point of light

Today is indepencence day. The day celebrated by Americans around the world. Red white and blue but today the world is gray. Visibility is about 100 yards then a thick haze limits anything beyond this. The mess hall was decorated in its usual holiday decor. It seems that everyone is enjoying the day except me. It seems that I have slipped back into a deep dark depression this time. With all of the things going on at home it is very hard to concentrate about this place. With all of the things going on here it is hard to think of home. Russ is going to have his stomach scopped on Tuesday to find out why he cannot eat right. The in-laws are sick. My wife is always down and feeling bad when I call. I make my calls upbeat so that it is not known what I am feeling so as not to bring her down to feel as I do. It seems that the "natives" have become restless again. The briliant fireworks of death are starting up again. And for the first time in a while my dreams have once again shifted to death in this country. I know that we are here doing the right thing and I will not shune those duties. It just seems to be like eyes wide open and then they slowly close as things close in around me and now I feel as if I can only see a pinpoint of light through my open eyes. The gray is closing in again and my fears are becoming constant once again. Depression sucks. I used to think it was just a state of mind and that you could just snap out of it. I am sitting here snapping away and nothing is changing. The feelings of hopelessness are multiplied by the day counters. The day counters annouce how many days or months are left on a constant basis making the days drag by slower and slower. Lord Give me strength and get me out of here soon, Make the days pass as there is nothing here that I care to remember when I return. Keep us safe and protect us. Amen