Tuesday, April 12, 2005

Depth of a Man

The depth of a man is measured by what?
The depth of a man is measured by what? If a shallow man is in charge of an intelligent man which one will prevail? Today I feel like someone just ran over my dog. As the pressure mounts more and more things seem to appear in my lap with a deadline of right now. As I think of the upcoming leave the pressure becomes really unstable. For the first time in a long while I feel as if I am away from home and that these strangers are not really my family. It seems that when you know what is going on and what is supposed to go on they give you so many tasks to do that even the simple stuff cannot be done correctly. Now in the midst of all of this work they have talked about taking yet another one of my soldiers away. Ever have one of those days when you want to throw your hands up in the air and say Screw it (not what I was thinking ). I have had a month like that today. I just don’t know where to start and where it will end. Leave, oh the wonders of home. The food the family I cannot wait. I wish I could go and stay there because I know that when it is time to leave I will fall into a depression that will only be lifted by “the end of this deployment”. When asked what I will do when I get home after this deployment, my answer is “I think I would really look good in those little blue postal shorts.” Truth be told I am scared to think of the future and seem to dwell in the present, never looking much more than two days ahead. The uncertainties in life are clear as I begin to feel again like that high school senior that I was some 17 years ago now. What does the future hold for me?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jay: My sisters, my cousin and I have been reading all your stories. I told your mom, who is my first cousin, that I just want to cry the whole time I am reading these pieces. Keep up all the good work. Your second cousin, Cindy Bolz

Chief JPB said...

Cindy,
Thanks for writing. I have been writing like this for awhile but always hit delete rather than save. I just figured they were only my feelings. Then I asked a friend at Ft Hood to read the first article and he said I should save it. Thanks for leaving a comment I wondered if anyone was visiting the site. My brother is supposed to let me know how to post pictures here and I have some wonderful picture of this ugly country to post....