In Closing

With the choppers flying overhead and the gunshots in the distance I know we made a difference here. The first day we got here we were welcomed with mortars. I was standing in the shower when two of them hit entirely too close for comfort. Now about a year later I am still here still breathing As I sit here and think of home I think how awesome it will be to get there, to see family and friends again, family, not people in uniform, who share love and caring with other members of the family. I do feel some sadness as I feel that I will never in my life see this place again. I do not want to ever come here again but it is sad that I will never see it again. I imagine that many people go their entire lives without saying that they will never visit a place again. I can say with some certainty that I will never visit here again. It is kind of sad.

I have shared with you the past 18 months of my life, the fears the trials the new found strength through faith in God. I appreciate the concerns, the letters and the comments to my family. I feel now for certain that I will make it home and will go back to normal, but I find it hard to remember exactly what normal is. I know that my words helped me through the tough times experienced and can only hope that in some way they helped other families of deployed soldiers with their fears. They say that fear is showing weakness I say that fear is acknowledging weakness and admitting that you have some weaknesses. I have no doubt that fear is real and have learned many things through this trip on how to deal with it. As the “greatest adventure” of my life comes to an end I think back on the time and can only say one thing for certain. He left home, he spends time away, but for a good cause, one thing is for certain “He is a real soldier”.

Where in the world is small town USA?

I have been corresponding via email with a wonderful person who is much like me in many ways. I worked for her husband many years ago and now have found a new email pal. The following is an excerpt from one of her emails that makes me wonder what happened To Small town USA?

Even today, the people take food to the ones that don't have it, drive them to a doctor if needed, make repairs to their houses, and just generally see to the welfare of whoever needs help. It is small town America at its best and there are probably hundreds of towns that do the same things.

This is truly the meaning of small town USA. How many times have you been on the highway traveling and come across someone in need of help. Whether it be a tire repair or another vehicle repair. Do you stop? I do but only when I am alone. I sometimes feel that it is a danger to stop and render assistance to people but I know that I will be rewarded if there is no danger. I remember several years ago I stopped and helped a man change a tire on the hill leaving Brownwood. I noticed as I went by that an undercover police officer was pulled up beside a car with a flat. As I continued in the opposite direction something told me to turn around and go back. I did and to this day still reap the benefit of my assistance. As I pulled up behind the vehicle I noted that the other car was gone and that the older gentleman was struggling with the jack. I offered assistance and in no time had the tire replaced for them. The man’s wife and grandchild were in the car and they had shut it off because they were afraid it would fall off the jack. The lady was sweating and the grandchild did not look well. To this day I thank God for turning me around to render assistance and feel like the hand shake at the end was such a wonderful reward. As I recall the man offered payment and asked what he owed me. I told him a hand shake would do. What happened to people who were not afraid to help out someone in need. Small town USA has slowly disappeared. I am thankful that my father taught me compassion and love for my fellow man. I know that people today teach their children right and wrong but what happens after that. In an age where television is a big part of people’s lives maybe it is possible that we have come to fear society or people. Anyway I say this so next time you are flying down the highway enjoying the A/C and come across someone in need of help think one day it could be you in need. Bring back Small town USA ways of thinking and let’s make a difference one person at a time…

Gone fishin'

SEE YA WHEN I SEE YA and thanks for listening j

Thanks giving

Some people would think that a soldier far away from home would have problems around Thanksgiving. It really for me is quite opposite. The endless days and loneliness and the effects of these broken people recovering from 30 some years of atrocities in itself provides a great reason to give thanks. God has granted me the chance to help out people who at one time where to afraid or “beat down” to help themselves. I am thankful that I did what I did when I signed up. I am glad that I was given the chance to make a difference in my own little way.
From a distance I see my life back home and each day I become more and more thankful that I met my wonderful wife. Without my wife and kids I do not think I would be half the person that I am now. They have seen the “evil” in me and stood by me. They have supported me from a distance and will stand up for me in my absence. I feel as if I have given my oldest child all of the love and care that I could. I have examined and realized that I have neglected my youngest child.
I grew up in a home full of love. There was never any doubt that I was loved. All families have small issues that sometimes seem to consume them. The true families that make it through learn from these things and get by them as mine has and always will. Just as God forgives and forgets he expects us to do the same.
These things I have come to realize from a distance and I thank God that I have been given the chance to return home to the love of family and friends. Thank God for All things for without him we are but dust.

Time has not ended but life and Thanksgiving are endless…

"Let all Nations Rejoice"

Okay this is going to be one of my best blogs stories in a while. I know that I have talked about Maria. Well her name is actually Mariam. She has put in words to Mr. Bush how she feels about what he has done here. I will type it word for word into this blog and then try to scan it and post the actual hand written letter as a picture. Here is proof that we have made a difference.

To my hero
Dear President Bush
I am Iraqi woman my name is Mariam Farhan, I want to tell you I love you so much and pray for you every night because you give us the freedom we was prayer and waiting for someone come to take this nightmare away, we wait so long 35 years. And I want to tell you many Iraqi people they love you also but the are afraid to say that.
And before Multi-National-Force they come it was my salary 50 $ but now 500$ I can help my family better and I can eat better and I can wear better also. Thank you for everything you did for Iraqi people, thank you for your love to us, thank you for your care. “The Lord bless you and keep you, The Lord make his face shine upon you, and be gracious to you, The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace” Numbers 6:24,25,26


Be blessed
With Love
Mariam

As I read this tonight after church I was so amazed at the words that I read it out loud to everyone. God is Love and it shows.

A Scared Child

I was sitting on the couch this evening wondering what it would be like to be home. Home with my wife and kids. Home seems so far away yet we are one day closer to being there. In all this I came to the realization that I have some type of fear of going home. The lines below list some of that fear and from the thoughts of fear of coming home I turned it into a poem of sorts. Some of the things listed in the poem are fiction but some of the thoughts are real. Hope you enjoy. We have been so busy lately that I have not had time to write. Almost there.


I feel like that kid in school who went out one night and acted a fool.
As he puts the quarter in the slot he wonders about broken rules.
He makes the call to his dad and when he hangs up he feels oh so bad.

He cries:
Daddy I’m scared to come home. There are people in here but I am alone.
Before you come and get me can I ask you one thing
When you were my age did you do any of the same?

As he loads the last suitcase in the car,
He turns and looks back at his home from a far
Mom and dad I love you and gone

He calls:
Daddy I’m scared and alone,
I‘ve been thinking of coming home.
I feel so alone can I move back in?

On the plane gone to fight over the sea
Thoughts of home bring fears to light for me
Soon my dream will come true

He writes:
Daddy I’m scared to come home,
I’ve been away for too long.
What if when I get there I cannot remember who I am?


As the sharp pain fades from his thoughts
His eyes focus on the joys that they ought
He sees the light in his eyes

He prays:
Father take me home, There are people here who are all alone
Before you come and get me can I ask you one thing
Does it hurt knowing you gave your son for our shame?

A Chill in the Air makes me think of there.....

There is chill in the air tonight. A thought that time has finally passed, that just maybe, we can begin to think of home again. It is not time as of yet but we will not know until the last minute to continue to cast an inkling of doubt in the eyes of the enemy. The temperatures have begun to drop to a chilly 55 or so degrees at night. I know now that I am acclimatized as 55 degree is too cold to venture out without some sort of cold weather gear. Today the high was around 85 degrees but never seemed to really warm up. This happened all of a sudden. It was a quick change. One day it was 105 and the next it was cold. It blew in upon us and reassured us that we have been here for a while. The desire to get back to normal growing but trying to maintain some sense of reality that we are still here and not leaving anytime soon becomes a daily ritual. My dreams have returned to me. I sleep the whole night through but I must toss and turn as I wake up sleepy and groggy. Won’t be long but will be awhile.

Maria

I cannot remember if I have spoken of Maria in my blog before. Maria is the only woman member of our church service on Sunday evenings. She sits in the third row each Sunday and wears a veil covering her head during service. I did not know for many months what her nationality was I just assumed she was an American working in Iraq. When I learned that she was actually from Iraq I developed a list of questions that I wanted to ask her. I never asked her any of them because it just did not seem appropriate. These are just a couple of the questions I would have asked her given the chance. Question one: Have you been treated harshly for being a Christian here? I can only begin to imagine what it would be like to be a Christian living in this country. Think about it they would surely have to hide their bibles and read them in complete secrecy. People of the U.S. are permitted to read their bibles whenever and wherever yet so many bibles are dusty and new. I think of a basic training like ritual when it comes to her trying to read her bible at home. See in basic training there was a strict lights out policy at I believe it was 10 o’clock. After 10 the flashlights would come out and blankets would cover heads. Letters home were written this way, not because we were not allowed to write home but because this was the only time we had to do it. Can you a free citizen Imagine what it must have been like for a resident HERE in this country to study the bible. Things we take for granted.

The second question I wanted to ask was asked by a friend last night after service. The question simply put was do you think it will ever settle down over here.(the killing and bombings and such). Her answer was a quick yes. She said that not so much after the elections as after the trial. I personally was shocked at what she said next. She said once Saddam is killed that the country would become quiet once more. She explained how the bathists still believe that he (Saddam) will some how be freed and regain power once again. Once he is gone they will then begin to accept the new direction that the country is headed in.

The conversation continues, and I wondered how Jesus made his way to this country. It is strange but in my mind I just thought that Jesus only lived in the hearts of U.S. citizens. As my mind faded back into the conversation Maria exclaimed proudly that “Jesus is everywhere”. I have heard that all of my life but until this point had never really believed it, I guess. Jesus is everywhere! The Koran says something about once you are a believer of Islam you cannot be of any other religion. Yet there are Christians here. When asked if she thought Christianity would become stronger here she said that just in her home town or area, alone that there were maybe 500 to 1000 people who study the bible and believe, but quickly said that they would not tell anyone that, for fear of persecution. I hope that one day these people can study and believe as they chose to and can only hope that this in itself will not cause another Century of War…..

Go ahead and laugh, Man my toe hurts.

Throughout my blog I have talked of hitting the wall, well now I want to tell you about kicking the wall.

I stood on the median of the highway just outside of Baird Texas. The grass was green and the breeze was cool and blowing. I leaned on the back of my truck and was just admiring the world and reflecting on life, when I noticed a Rhino coming up the service road in my direction. A Rhino is a tan armored bus that resembles a Recreational Vehicle. As I followed this massive vehicle as it climbed the hill The M249 machine gun on the top came to life. As I checked the area I noted the target. The target was pigeons. Thousands and thousands of pigeons feathers flying everywhere. As the vehicle disappeared I quickly noted three Iraqi’s approaching me slowly. One of them was carrying an Ak-47 assault rifle. One of the other two leaned in and said something to the weapon yielding civilian at that he quickly turned and started firing into on coming traffic. Startled by the fired I grabbed my M4 rifle and began to load a magazine. As I slapped the magazine home one of the Iraqi’s grabbed my weapon and tried to wrestle it away from me. We struggled for a minute and then since I was unable to pull it from his grasp I decided to kick him. I rared back and kicked him with all my might. I was awaked by the sound of my foot crashing into the wall with a loud thud. I laid there for a second and then the pain hit me. In my odd dream I had struggled and then kicked the wall full force shoving my big toe far back in its socket. Now I am limping around and have actually been good for morale as I tell my story and let everyone enjoy the laugh. Man my toe hurts.

Still here

I know that I have used the title still here already once in my blog but it just seems so fitting to use it again. The things just do not seem to change any more. The reality is that I am begining to feel as if I live here and that there is no other place but here. I talk to my wife and kids and try to imagine home but really cannot. I am home at least for now. The days are numbered now but not sure how many are left. The rumors fly around but no one knows for sure and even if we did we could not say. I do know that all of the soldiers here are ready to return to their old lives whether or not they can remember them not mattering much. We all know as well that we may return to our old lives but we will never ever be the same...

just thinkin'

As you sit at home with fear in your head
A soldier lies alone somewhere in his bed
He hopes he can go home in his dreams at night
Happy thoughts of home that end at morning light

Life for him is slow and full of repetition
No one helped him obtain his position
See it cost them a signature to do what they do
Soldiering is not for everyone, is it for you?

Training for years and learning a job
Learning how to deal, with an angry mob
Praying that the training received will never be used
Praying that people will never be abused

Then one day it happens a call up and then fear
We wonder sometimes “what the hell are we doing here?”
This feeling does not come often or even everyday
Because we mostly know that we are showing the way

People are free in this country for now
Some want us to pull out I ask just how.
How could we leave them half trained and unaware
Pray for this country and their freedom to share

I, I mean we, will surely return
Sharing some stories about what we did learn
One thing for certain I tell you with pride
The people are thinking and do not wish to hide

Life love and happiness is freedom to me
I will return to my freedoms one day you’ll see..


SSG B

Scared of the Dark?

Tonight we (a couple of friends and I) were invited to one of the 1sg's house for dinner. He made steaks and potatoes with Brat wurst. It was awesome. After we ate and talked awhile we decided it was time to leave. We rode our bikes over with the sun up, but when we walked outside it was dark. We decided to go ahead and ride back to the house in the dark. As we began to ride it hit me that it was odd that we were riding in the dark, in a combat zone and then if you add the fact that we shadowed the exterior wall of the camp on the way homen well crazy I guess some would say. It has become common occurance. It is as if we are not in any danger. We hear the loud booms but can tell they are in the distance. Life here has become just that life. I think it is called complacency. The thoughts of home comings seem to outweigh the thoughts of danger. Well we made it home tonight just fine and I just thought I might share the interesting ride in the dark.. I do not think I would even do this dark ride in my home town at night.

Past Post updates.

As I sit here bright and early this morning (after 3 cups of coffee) I think back on this adventure. Things are kind of in a ground hog day pattern again. You know the “today is Monday yesterday was Monday” thing. It is getting monotonous and old. I re-read my blog and realized that I have not given some updates on some of the things I have talked about.

The inspections went well. I passed with flying colors. No deficiencies. I received a “Coin” for my efforts. A coin is an on the spot award for doing an outstanding job on something important. This was the first coin I had ever been awarded and it felt good.

Snuff, Copenhagen, dip, Tobacco: haven’t had any since the day I quit back in August I think it was. I am started to feel better about things and my mind is unusually clear. I have come to realize things are better without it. There are however days when it is really bad. The guy who sits at a desk right beside me tried to quit but failed. So I get to watch as he is constantly putting this nasty stuff in his mouth. Maybe this is a test to ensure that I never pick this habit up again.

In-laws. Both of my in-laws are doing better. They are both at home now and hopefully they will stay in good health for a while longer.

Russ is doing well in College. It is hard to believe that when this started he was a high school senior and now he is a college freshman. He seems to be doing very well and he is also working so he is finally getting a taste of life. I as a father could not be any prouder of him.

Todd struggled a bit through the first six weeks of school. Third grade is different and he must work a bit more than he did in years past. I think he is finally getting a handle on it. Todd and I are growing ever distant as he does not like to talk to me or anyone for that matter on the phone. There is an echo on the line when we talk and I know that he has a hard time with it as I do too. I cannot wait to get back home and spend time with the little guy.

Rosario is doing well. She is on a health kick that has me a bit worried. I have not been a very healthy person and now it seems my diet will change. I know that it is a good thing. I just hope that my favorite foods can either be made healthy and taste as good or that we can still enjoy them in moderation. I really love tacos enchiladas and big greasy hamburgers with bacon and cheese and well now I have done it. I have made myself hungry for something that I cannot get here. The mess hall has hamburgers but not like the one I am talking about. A double Whata Burger with cheese and all that good unhealthy stuff, with a chocolate shake for desert, large of course, now that is a meal.

Well that updates the blog for now. Hopefully some excitement coming up soon. If so I will let you know in here. Till then Pray for the troops especially the family of Steve Morin Jr.. Pray for families to be able to get over what has them torn apart from hurricanes to deployments let them all get back together as soon as it is possible. God bless j

Reality hits home

The boots were placed ever so carefully at the sides of the weapon. The weapon had the bayonet attached and it was barrel down in the special built box. The butt of the weapon had the Kevlar helmet on it place ever so carefully. The base of the box had a picture of a soldier whom I did not know but was my brother. His Identification tags hung from the pistol grip of his rifle. Hearts ached today for this lost soldier. The first combat death of a solider in our unit since World War II. The sadness and reflection of life whistled through my thoughts like a raging wind. I remember stand in the early preparation looking out upon the battalion and wondering if we would all make it back. Trying to memorize the faces of the soldiers so that I would know them if something like this were to happen. As the chaplain spoke he quoted a verse that I love to use. “No Greater love hath a man than to lay down his life for a friend”. This county is full of our friends and we defend them but some do not understand it. I hope that his wife and two children know what their father has come to mean to the soldiers of this unit. I hope that his family will be able to overcome the grief that they suffer and will manage to carry on with life. We will keep his memory alive as I am sure that his family will. The ceremony was really an awesome send off to a real soldier. TAPS was played and tears welled up in the eyes of soldiers. We have feelings too. The twenty-one gun salute did not startle us as it would have before our adventure began. Our senses numbed by the noises of this place in which we live. We see what we are here for and know why we are here and we know first hand that soldiers die here. The somber mood of the ceremony carried through for several hours afterwards. The sad reality of death was noted by all and this soldier’s memory will not be forgotten. I salute him and hope that he is seated with the Father in complete righteousness. Pray for his family.

Must be poetry week

I sat this evening and wrote this poem. I really have nothing to write about. Had an inspection last week and did very well. Have not had any nicotene since the day I decided to quit. So really nothing to talk about. Well nothing that I can talk about anyway. So hope you enjoy this one.

THE EYES OF A SOLDIER
His eyes told a story that no one could know
All day he would hide it so it would not show
The echoes of gun shots ring through his head
Sometimes he hates it when it’s time for bed

His life was changed, drastically, so it would seems
His friends die beside him right there in his dreams
He wishes to save them as visions sadden his brain
The fighting the enemy the jungle and the rain

As he wakes from his bed, in a cold, cold sweat
He says dear Lord please don’t take me, I ain’t done yet
His life he would give to his country, his home
But he is just not ready for God to take him home.

Soldiers have a bond that joins them for life
Not like a mother, a son or daughter or wife
The bond I speak of is indescribably strong
Civilians don’t understand it, but these bonds last long

The unit stays together through thick and through thin
The battles do come to us, everyday over again
The battles will rage long after the war
The people the buddies the minds so sore

One thing is certain the one thing the same
No one person gets credit no one takes blame
The country is where it is for us today
Because of the soldier who in the mud did lay

As the sand is blowing and our eyes burn
This is our war, our time, it’s our turn
So to all of the Veterans of all other Wars
We got your backs so battle no more

Let the sad times go let the battles that rage
Live your life to the fullest let God turn the page
And when God comes calling, he will call your name
Go with him forever and show no shame

For the greatest ones of our country were the men just like you
Who fought for our freedoms and the Red, White, and Blue

Enough is Enough.

Dear Mrs. Sheehan,

Congratulations on your recent arrest. I think you have finally achieved the ignorant notoriety that you were seeking. As I sit here and watch the news I wish there was a way to remove you from it. You in your loss have become the "mini fonda" of this war. I am sure that your son looks down upon you and is not pleased with what he sees. I pray that while all of this is going on here that your son is too busy to notice the bad name and shame you are bringing to his life and your family name. Ma’am your disgusting display of ignorance on the televisions of the world can only be described as pitiful.

The smile on your face brings sadness to mine.

I ask the Police dept that arrested you to keep you for as long as it takes for you to get over the sad loss of your son. Maybe some jail time will allow you the quiet time to reflect on what it is that you have done to the troops. Your demeaning display of “hated” for this cause is a terrible injustice to all soldiers serving anywhere.

Ma’am just go home, back to the life that you have wrecked in search of, answers?
You have successful lost your family twice I understand you lost your son to your first husband and then to the war. Please go home and quit trying to ruin other lives with your meaningless fight for….what is it this week?



Signed An AMERICAN SOLDIER
Jerry P Biggerstaff Jr
Somewhere Iraq

Even Soldiers Cry

As I cleaned my room tonight I came across a book on the bottom shelf covered in dust. Everything is always covered in dust. I picked it up and opened it. It was a journal that I had started before discovering the blog. It was written before we left on this adventure while driving 90 miles an hour home to see the family.

In his helmet he keeps a picture of his wife
To remind him of a happier time in his life
As a soldier of the risks he is aware
But also found someone with life to share

His kids are there as he turns to leave
He tries not to wear his emotions on his sleeve
He closes his eyes to fight off a tear
He smiles and waves and says "no fear"

Good-bye got harder and harder as the time drew near
Mission unknown His future unclear
Lives will change for better or worse
They say "We'll see you" he says not if I see you first

Love fills the air Emotion on high
Live life as a soldier never say die
Do the job you trained for never ask why
Live life as a soldier, even soldiers cry

Even Soldiers cry.........

Anniversary

Today I spent my second anniversary in a row away from home. I have been married 17 years and I remembered on my own but the day before. I did have to send out an email to verify the date because for the life of me I could not remember the month. I really felt bad about this and spent the better part of yesterday and today putting a video together for my loving wife. I wish there was a way to attach it to the site as I was very happy with the way it turned out. I love my wife and miss here dearly. What did I do for my anniversary? Well I went to church. I am going to watch NASCAR as well. I long to be at home with my family but cannot for some time longer. SO till then I’ll just pray that everything goes safely and quickly.

Maturity

There are kings and kids inside us all. The mature individual is one who can balance on that fine line between the two. One who can balance between the two might be known as a success but success can also be attributed to one who can successfully hide inner feelings. Kids and kings both have times that they might hide their inner most feelings. A kid might hide the fact that he took a cookie and got away with it or that he has a fear of the “dark”. Whatever the fear it seems best not discussed. The king does the same maybe with feelings of sending his soldiers into combat or other feelings. These feelings if not exposed can bottle up into an explosion. The balanced individual can speak about what is bothering him. Whether king or kid one might say that certain things must not be hidden they must be said. If the king tells the soldiers of his feelings of sadness about sending his soldiers into combat the soldiers would have a better respect for him. If the child does not get caught he will never tell on himself and will not learn the valuable lessons of life. There are kings and kids in us all. We need to let the king live and let the kids breath to maintain a balance in life.

Mr or Sir????

Awesome opportunity. I have the chance to apply for the job in the military that I have always wanted. I think I would be good at it. The problem is that I am unsure as to whether or not it is what I want to do anymore. The last year has clouded my judgment and made my outlook kind of weak. This job would turn me into one of the most respected ranks in the military in my opinion. I would become a Warrant Officer. This rank means simply put that you are the best in your field. I have seen good and bad Warrants during this adventure. However even the bad ones have their useful moments. I know that I could be a good one. I am stuck, as to what I should do. The problems are a move to the Big City of Austin, and the school. I am too old to go to a “basic training” type school again. What am I to do? I do not enjoy being yelled at. I do not have to be yelled at to get someone’s point. This is by far one of the hardest schools the military has to offer at my level. I just do not know. I do know that it is an all or nothing jump. The decision I make today I will have to live with tomorrow. I do not want to give up the house that I have put numerous hours of elbow grease and love into. The house that gives me so much pride when my wife says “I like my house”, but the prestige of becoming a Warrant (like Johnny) brings a great sense of accomplishment to my mind. Decisions Decisions. Lord I pray to you that you will help with the future of my family and help me with the decisions at hand. Assist me in making the right one.

More Bad News

With all of the catastrophic events that are occurring in the world today. The war In Iraq, the hurricanes that hit the numerous coastal states and many other things too numerous to mention, they have done it again. The atheists have once again gotten foothold on our society. I am not saying that this “religion” is not right but what I am saying is that they can teach their kids to say the pledge and omit whatever they want to but does this mean that I should not teach it to my children the full version. It makes me wonder can I sue this man for taking the “In God we Trust” out of my sons pledge or school? It is my right as a free citizen to have my son taught in the ways I see fit just as he does. Maybe the way to fix this is to create a “No God School” in each state and let all objectors of God and kids attend. Do these people spend the money created by our government that says “in God we Trust” on it. If so this is sacrilege. Can't have it in the pledge but they can carry it in their pockets and spend it. Is this the true definition of hypocrit. Maybe they will attack this next, but until then I say that these people should not be paid as it is against their “rights” to carry such a demeaning piece of paper in their pockets. Let them come here and tell these people that pray is not allowed in their schools. I know that this is where these people would stand up and say no “YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED IN OUR SCHOOLS”. I am tired of all of the attempts to make society Religion free. Not having a religion is a religion in itself. So I say that no religion is a violation of my rights as a citizen of the United States of America. God is not allowed in our schools but guns are. I don’t care if you like it, I don’t care if you agree with it, I think if you don’t love it leave it. Protest from somewhere to someone who will listen and I say GOD BLESS THE USA because it was formed “UNDER GOD” and he will return to “HARVEST HIS PEOPLE” and these people will without a doubt be “LEFT BEHIND”.

Stop kickin' them around

THis is a question I recieved on email that I had to think to think about before I answered.
Hey there. After reading your latest entry in the blog today, I was wondering if you feel like these people will be able to defend themselves after the US pulls out or are you worried that someone else will step in and try to take over for Sadamm? Bush says these people aren’t ready yet, but are getting there and other news people think everything that is going on is not worth it. Seeing as you’re closer to the situation than most I was curious about your personal thoughts on the matter. –J.

I had to think a little on your question so as to answer it in a way that I believe fitting. SO here goes..



I believe that these people are wimps. They have been kicked around for so many years that they will need some support for a little while. It is kind of like that bully scenario I painted in my blog. I know all too well about the bully. See they pick on you they beat you up down and just break you down. Some without ever touching you. Then when you get your fill when you have finally had enough you stand up to him them whomever. Problem is these people did not do this for themselves. They had to have help to beat up this bully. So now they are trying to come out of the shell of fear. This shell is tough to remove as they have become accustom to living in it. I do believe that they will take over some time but as Mr. Bush says they are not ready yet. They are coming around. People(here) are reporting things that they never would have. Telling on a bully has repercussions but eyes are opening and they are beginning to see that they will have to stand for themselves on their own. All we have done is liberate, the rest is up to them but we will provide in essence security until it is done. The news media would have all believe that what we do here is not good. I am not sure why but lots of things just make no sense. I do know that if a bully on the block was picking on people I would stand up for my neighbor even if it meant repercussion. But that is why I am a soldier and some people are not.. Hope this makes sense. This is yet another one of those “touchy subjects”. Take care j

This holds true in many stances of life. The bullies can be anyone knowing or not.

Just Sad

Pain in life is brought about by many things but one of the most severe cases of pain is brought about by change. Ever known someone and acted differently in front of them for whatever reason. Reasons could range from fear or confrontation to just wanted to be some one else. Then you realize that the acting is not right as it does not allow for people to react to the true person. Well that has happened to me. I have always tried to be the supportive and understanding person. Driving miles and miles to help people in their time of need. Not asking for anything in return. In the event of confrontation just letting it go or acting as if it was not seen. I have examined my life and have found that I do not stand up for myself or my family. I am a grown Mature man and realize that what I have done is wrong. I have acted as someone else for so long that I am not sure who I am. I do know that right and wrong is ever apparent in all walks of life it is just some choose not to see it or to see it and act anyway. God is in my life. Maybe not as completely as I would choose but he is gaining strength. I feel a sense of loss as the people who I am trying to explain this to have told me things that just do not seem real or fair. I am immature. I married at age 19. I have been a father since. People tell me that I am a good father. I have even been told by some of Russ’ kin folks that I have done a wonderful job with him. I can only hope that he has not learned the fake faces and will not distance himself from family to avoid confrontation. I love my family and hoped that they could understand the soul searching that I have been doing here. I can only hope when the smoke clears and the attitudes return to normal that we can be completely honest with each other not matter the pain involved. I have missed family and want the feelings of uneasiness to subside before I return home. Don’t know that it will, but I can always Pray.

Meeting House of a Mad man

Today I went and visited the Bath(not sure of the spelling. Party house. This was where we saw Sadamn sitting behind a large circular board room type table before the war. Numerous interviews were done from this table. There were many bathrooms as this man had issue with his hands apparently. After greetings or just a compulsion he had to wash his hands all of the time. As we walked through the literal Ruins of this building I was reminded of a phrase coined by “Steve Erkle” with a Slight change to it…….”DID WE DO THAT?”.Damn right we did and now his people are benefiting from it. The place was not well built and it was evident, but then again what building would stand up to the bombs that hit it. Through the holes in the walls you could see the poor craftsmanship. It looked almost as if they made the inside marble walls and then poured cement down in between them. Not to mention broken bricks and such. If this man would have had a brain he would have been dangerous. The money spent in these monstrous structures was money well wasted…. He could have spent the money on better the society and lives of his people. He could still be in power with a people who would have defended him to the death. Instead he was a hidden man as given the chance his people would surely kill him. Body doubles and hidden passages and tunnels to get him from point A to B.
The structure had tall walls and you could see at one time it was a beautiful place. From the floor the different rooms could be seen of course the destruction of the place was visible in all rooms. I cannot imagine being in the building when the bombs hit. The whole place shook the floors buckled the ceilings collapsed and some of Iraq’s most sadistic people died. There were false walls inside that hid rooms from everyone. Some of them were still in tact. I wonder what he hid in these walls Money, people or just himself. From this building there were many tunnels under the water. You could actually walk under the water in a tunnel from one building to the next. Why? Why was this man compelled to spend all that money making these things? Fear……He was most definitely afraid of what his people would do to him without protection. After looking at the tunnels from the roof we went to one of his bunkers.
.The doors to the bunker were about a foot thick and there were several of them before we got to the inside. The bunker itself did not appear to me to be real safe. It was almost above ground. It was in a mound of dirt that was really visible but maybe not from the air. I just thought he was a rat when we came to get him but this man was a rat in more ways than one all of his life.
The guide said that there was a tunnel that led to the airport big enough to drive a truck through. That is crazy. I guess he had always planned for an invasion? Or maybe it was to protect him from his own people? I am glad that I did not grow up here live here and I pray to God that I do not die here. This place was a nightmare for his people, with the elections and liberation we have awakened a free people.

Thank you

Kind people,

We are still here. We work daily in an effort to provide freedom and ensure that our country remains free and as terror free as possible. I cannot speak for all soldiers but I know, that the vast majority of the people at home support us. I assure you that I share the wonderful cards and kind words sent by you with my fellow soldiers. The out-pouring of support received by family, friends and strangers alike is a testimony to the great foundation that our nation was built on. It gives me great pride to serve my country but it makes it just that much better to know that we are supported by those who matter.

We are, however, all to aware of the protestors who disagree with what we do here. We see them on the news mostly when we eat chow. She says she wants to meet with the president or they say no blood for oil. I say to them if there is no reason for us to be here then by all means come here on vacation. Come visit the very places that do not need our help. Maybe upon return to our wonderful country these people would appreciate their freedoms a bit more.

Anyway I wanted to send this letter and say thank you for supporting us over here. My parents tell me that you don’t know what to send in support of us here. In light of recent events I say take care of the home front first, donate time and effort to help out the victims of the hurricane and just keep supporting the soldiers in thoughts and prayers. We do what we do so you can do what you do. We are fighting for freedom for all. Thanks for the prayers. I know "He is watching over us".


THANK YOU




Your husband, father, son, brother, friend,

Jerry Biggerstaff
Somewhere, Iraq

Touchy Subject

The world is consumed with hatred? by whom?

As I sit and watch the events of the aftermath of the Hurricane unfold I sit in a somber sadness. I never once thought it would be said that the rescue efforts or delay of rescue efforts had something to do with race. Apparently there are some people who believe that the reason the relief is delayed to this disaster area has something to do with skin color. These accusers know nothing of what is going on and seem to have no concern to find out. I don’t know everything about this either but lets see this is the “worst disaster” in America since the early 1900’s. Some how this becomes the fault of whom? There was not much of a disaster plan in place and now that the relief is starting to arrive will we hear apologies from these “prejudice conspiracy pushers”. No we won’t we will continue to hear the same.

Shoot to kill orders have been given now. Shoot another American? This would be difficult but it comes down to who is shooting at whom and who shot first. I think with all that is going on that I am safer here than I would be at assisting in Hurricane relief efforts. The looters and the shooters shooting at the very rescuers who have been sent to help people in a dark hour. Alot of the population of Lousianna is dirt poor and some of these people are looking for a free hand out or to loot their way to a better lifestyle.

I am not a person to judge someone by the color of their skin. I know that there are good and bad in all people in all walks of life. I have been raised to know and understand that there is no difference in the ethnicities of people only in lifestyles and upbringing. I do not pretend to accept or agree with what was done to people brought from Africa and forced into labor in the States. I am thankful that the world is not like this any longer?

Mr. Lincoln did the right thing when the slaves were freed. But will everyone ever be considered equal. It saddens me to think that in this century people still think of differnces in color instead of judging people for who they are. People of all walks of life need to grow up and remember that all men where created by one God and that there were no differences then and there are no differences now. As far as no support being sent because these people are black I say that this is just a misguided perception of small few to cause an uprising among an already disheartened people. Please pray for these people as I do and will continue and if you find it in your heart to donate or help out in anyway I am sure that it will be appreciated and that the rewards received in Heaven will be greater than can ever be imagined…..

Stage Three "the Ride of My Life"

Stage three.
The most dangerous thing I have ever done by far. Make it to the CITY without getting blown up. As I stood and listened to the briefing I prayed, as I loaded up in the truck I prayed. As we pulled out the gate I prayed. One and a half hours and I slide into home….SAFE!!!!!!.
The night was very dark and nothing could be seen except the lights on the roadsides. It is a strange site to see fluorescent lights outside at night but most of the smaller houses had them. I could not see much further than that in the darkness. And we drove through checkpoints on the wrong side of the highway and then the right side of the highway. Ever vigilant was the driver to ensure that he did not cross over the top of anything on the roadway. I cannot imagine trying to drive like this. It brings defensive driving to a new level. How many times had I at home been driving and seen something in the road, dead animal coke can anything and just centered it on the truck and kept right on going. Scanning the road ahead the driver and Co-driver relay info back and forth and the co-driver to the rest of the convoy. It was like a well oiled machine if one missed something then the other one caught it. I just sat there with eyes wide open looking for things that did not look right not knowing what would explode. We trained for this type of thing prior to coming over but I had never seen it this close and the training was pretty darn good. We complained while receiving the training but now I see that it was right on the mark. (as far as convoy training goes) As we approached the CITY we slowed checked for the convoy they were quite a ways back As we get close to the city the worst thing you could ever imagine as a GI came over the radio. The radio traffic that night only came from the internal convoy radio frequencies. So we heard things like convoy speeds and things like that to keep us abreast of distances and things. Then I hear IED!!! IED!!!! It was one of the guys at the back of our convoy. I thought I was going to go into cardiac arrest. How would I explain to someone that this was actually my choice and that I did not have to go this route home? As I sat and thought about what was going on I realized that if I heard someone say IED then I was in no danger if I had not seen it. At least that was my reasoning. We kept on hauling but and a short time later found out that it was in the other lane of traffic. We all breathe a sigh of relief but know that it could have been one of our comrades out there who will never make it home. We will never know. The rest of the trip I spent in a quiet meditation and finally reached my drop off point, my safety barrier. The wall that had closed in on me so many days before was now a welcome wide open country that I will not leave again unless there is absolutely no way around it. One thing is for certain I may not be a Real Soldier in my mind but I met some real soldiers this night. I know that what I do makes a difference and I know that I will have a different outlook on things from this point on. I pray for the safe return of the Convoy escorts and I thank them for giving me the ride of my life.

Stage Two

Stage two.
We towed the truck in to Camp. We checked in made it around through the fuel point and then to the motor pool. Locked them up and headed for some much needed shut eye. Remember I said that I had spent the night at the Airport the night before and if you think I slept on the journey you are crazy. As we traveled things seemed to jump out of the shadows at me making me twitch in my seat. Now it is time to sleep bed can’t wait. Hey this tent is hot what the hell. The air is broken in the tent so we try to sleep in the heat sweating like pigs. We did not have plans to stay here but due to the needed repairs to the vehicle we had to change plans. So there I lay soaked through and through thinking about the activity reported at this place just the night before. Mortars had sent people scrambling for cover. We lay there for a while and then one of the guys came in and said that he had scouted out another tent with A/C. I knew that it was not the right thing to do but did not care; at that point, I just needed to get out of the heat and get some sleep. As soon as my head hit the pillow I was out. However shortly after some other soldiers showed up saying that they had signed for the tent and the squatters were kicked to the curb. We went back to the Sauna tent and lay down. By this time the outside temp was probably around 80 degrees and the temp in the tent was around 90 or so. It was hot but sleep was on me and sleep I did…. Next morning good news, It was the power steering pump that had caused such a problem and they had one on the camp and got it fixed. We spent the day lounging around. The other two guys in the tent with me slept most of the morning.(they work night shift) I was up at the crack of down and after smelling myself headed for a shower, then to the MWR to watch a movie. This was a tent with the A/C blowing full force. I lay across about 6 chairs and it was not long till I was out. I woke up in time to catch the last of Ghost the movie that was starting as I lay down. I checked in at the tent and found that the other guy’s tent had A/C so I pulled my mattress out of the hot tent and put it on the floor in the other tent. There were three mattresses on the floor of the tent when it was all said and done as the other two guys followed suit. We knapped away most of the afternoon into the early evening then it was Go time once again.

Stage One

Stage 1
The trip had three stages the first stage being the longest. After what seemed like an eternity of riding in the truck we arrive at the first stop. As I sat and relaxed I began to realize things about myself that became all too unsettling. The first thing that popped into my mind was that at any point during this trip I could hear the words IED......... or not hear the words and just be dead, not living, no more. Gone, without life, history. These thoughts took me spinning like I was inside a kaleidoscope towards family and home. I saw my wife and kids standing over me looking down upon my lifeless body crying. The flag draped casket looking ever powerful. I began to understand things about life that I had never pondered before. The complaining and whining that I had done since arriving in this country all boiled down to just one thing whining. These guys, two in front and one on top in the gunner position do this everyday. They load up and drive these “highways of death” without complaint without talk of death. They just do what they have to do and try to enjoy it as much as they can. I salute these real Heroes and real soldiers for I am just a small part of the game and they are a big part of the Success of this adventure. Death, fascinating, wondering if what we believe is really there, or if we just die into blackness. These things would haunt me for the next several hours. As we drove quickly through the darkness, I noted that the roads had no stripes. It was just as black as the night, hard to see at times. As we drove we crossed from the southbound lanes to the north bound and back again. This in itself was scary. How about stopping on a dark highway blocking traffic watching as the vehicles approached? The gunner on top is responsible for stopping traffic using any method necessary. This time he only had to use his spot light to light up the cab of the trucks or cars and they would hurriedly pull off the road and turn off their lights. They know that the military is not a force to be reckoned with. We could see the convoy lights but they seemed to be fading and then they disappeared. We made a hasty u-turn. Not a TV u-turn as the up-armored HUMMV is like a tank and seems to me to be really top heavy. We headed back. As we were headed that way a voice reported that we had a truck with a blown engine. One of the HUMMVs was stopped with the hood up and soldiers scrambled all over to find the source of the massive leak. Being a mechanic I knew that it was not the engine but did not look at it. They quickly hooked up a tow bar and got it ready to tow. I stood on the side of the highway in utter disbelief. The darkness, the thoughts of be-headings instinctively put my hand on my 9 mm as I scanned the darkness beyond the glare from the flashlights. There was a sense of urgency among the others but none had shown one ounce of fear. I think that was my job. I did not show it to them but I did not do a lot of anything just scanned the darkness for the enemy. Thankfully I did not see anything and we were loaded up and off to the races again. For the next 30 minutes or so I sat and listened to my heart slow from a pound to a regular heart beat again. To think at any minute within the last 3 and half hours I could have ceased to exist. Makes life matter so much more. These guys do this kind of thing 5 or 6 times a week and I complain about what I do??? Do I really have room to do so?? So we get to the end of stage one.

the Road Ahead

27 August 2005
What happens next will keep you on the edge of your seat…..As It did me for some 36 hours. No flight to the CITY till Tuesday so the only alternative to get me back to work is Convoy through no mans land. I have wanted to get out of the walls for a while but not sure that this was exactly how I wanted to spend my time. So I get it set up and make contact with a seasoned young Staff Sergeant. His look was that of pride and it was obvious that he demanded respect from his troops and that he was given full respect. He told me what seat I would be riding in and I set out getting my stuff ready. I had already “acquired” (great supply word) extra ammo. I was carrying only a 9mm but I had 100 rounds for it. I had plenty of ammo but I was not ready for the road ahead. I am not sure if one could ever be ready for the road ahead.

Spent a week there one night...

26 August 2005
I have waited 3 days to get out of here. This place is hell. I thank my God in Heaven that I did not get the mission to stay here as this would have surely been “drawing the short straw”. I really appreciate what I have been provided after seeing this. Living in trailers or tents they do have AC but they just do not have it as good as we do. Tried numerous times to schedule a flight, even tried to fly with the Aussie’s but to no avail. (This is the account of the airport on 26 August) Flight was scheduled to leave at 1930 so we had to be at the airport 2 hours early. So here we are sitting in the sunlight waiting. Only 6 people headed back to the CITY. We load the bus and head off down the road to the plane. Upon arrival at the plane the bus driver got out and talked with the crew. They said that the plane was broke and that it would be an” HOUR”. So back to the terminal, more sitting in the sun in the ever popular “hurry up and wait status”. As I sat there I knew the outcome that we would be faced with that evening and even shared it with a couple of other would be passengers. “You do know that we are not flying tonight? Right?”
“You really think so” he said. Yep (I hate being right sometimes and this was one of those times.) Delayed till 1000 delayed till 1100 delay till 345am. “Check in at 1200” So we grabbed a cot and caught a wink or two. I rose at midnight and made the trip back to the counter in the terminal and was finally told “Flight canceled”. I smiled and turned and walked away cursing all the way to the door internally but I had known this all along. After speaking with one of the other passengers we returned to the terminal checked on other flights going to the CITY. “Nothing till Tuesday we were told”. So we scheduled a flight to another location and from there we were hoping to catch a connection. Flight time 1000 am with a report time of two hours prior. So we walked to the mess hall and ate and made it back to the terminal for some much needed rest at around 2 or 3 am. Wake up check in and board the bus. This time we load the plane and wait for take off. Flight time to the alternate destination approximately 1 hour and 15 minutes. Woohoo we are taking off. In-flight the Load masters keeps coming to my side and looking out the window. What’s the deal I wonder? Little did I know that this question would be answered soon enough and much to the dismay of all passengers on-board? Now you might think that the plane is going down or something like that well after 1 hour and 30 minutes we land. We taxi for awhile and then the back door opens to reveal……………..The same damn place we just left from…..I was Steaming mad. Apparently the plane was broke when we took off and I guess they wanted to see if it would fix itself in flight? Heck I don’t know but I do know that we flew over halfway to where we were going and then turned around and headed back………….. Upon arrival at the counter to find out what we were supposed to do “a nice air force lady” (sarcasm) told us not to go to far because if they called to re-board we would have to be ready on a moments notice. By this time I am steamed and told them that I was leaving and going to eat and if the damned plane was gone with I got back then so be it. Wanting to say more but biting my tongue as I am just short of the middle of the totem pole. So I left and grabbed some food and came back and the plane was still there of course and I was full and feeling a bit better. Well this story has been too long already so lets shorten this up by saying the FLIGHT WAS Cancelled.

Still just a peanut....

23 August 2005
Day 1 mission complete… I thought it would take at least two days to accomplish the mission as I have heard rumor of who I would be dealing with when I arrived and have been told that this individual does not know his job. I know my job and also know his so I did his part too and he could not help but sign as his part was finished too. The proficiency at which the tasks were accomplished surprised even me.( pardon me while I toot my own horn) When you’re good they call you “Cracker Jack” but I am still just a peanut…..ha………………..ha…………..

What no stewardess????

22 August 2005
As I sit here in a C-130 (airplane) with Blackout lights on I am not worried. I have not let myself worry for sometime now. I know that I will go home when it is time and have not feared death in a while. The last trips were bothersome but this one is “fly down there do the job and fly back”. My dream of flying on a Blackhawk helicopter on hold for a while as there were no “helo” flights down to where I am going, so for now I sit in the belly of this beast sweating profusely awaiting for take-off. I sure hope the Air works because it is hot in here. I have been told that return flights are hard to get so a convoy may be in my future as a ride back to my temporary home in “the CITY”. For now C-130 nose down coming in for a landing. The pilots go nose down and drop out of the sky so they maintain a maximum altitude while over no mans land in case some one might shoot something at us. Well, one hour fifteen minutes south and very uneventful. At least to us inside this big beast but no telling what is going on outside the plane as we fly over no mans land. No in-flight movie no peanuts just hot and loud............... touchdown.

This is what soldiers do

Well I am back in the office now. In order for you to fully appreciate where I have been and what I have been up to you will have to read the rest of the blog. This will be a long drawn out story as you will see. I met some heroes and did some things that most soldiers would never do given the choice. This was a choice that I made and I am the wiser for it. Just so we understand. I do not intend to scare anyone this was something I needed to do and made it through. So please don't tell me I told you so…………..

Memorial

I walked in the PX last night and stopped right in my tracks inside the front door. Right in front of me was a tall plywood memorial to soldiers killed in this area. Oh this list was the name of my wife's nephew Johnny V. Mata. A soldier had spent time painting each name on this sign. I believe this was done in the early stages of the war. What a great thing to do to help soldiers remember the names of the soldiers not just the number of dead.

"Out of Office Reply"

As I sit on the tarmack at the "airport" I think back on the fears that I carried when I arrived in this country. I had a fear of flying on a military aircraft, with all of the military flights that I have been on since arrival this is just another plane ride. I was afraid of death but have come to realize that this fear is not necessary because in death I can achieve "Eternal Life". As the plane learched forward and builds to a take off speed I look out the window into the dark Iraq night. I wonder if this could be my last trip. The walls had closed in completely and I had to get out. The only trip that I look forward to is the trip home to be with family. For security reasons we cannot say when this day will come but I do not think that anyone knows for sure. All I know is one day I will return home.

Rambling

There once was a soldier named J
He was sent to Iraq one day
As he worked and did what he could
He came to understand what others should

Freedom life and happiness ain't free
All things in life come with a fee
The fees for these things were paid with a flood
Of Patriots, soldiers and forefathers blood

The prices paid by the soldiers for men
Have allowed them to protest once again
They want their freedoms yet they make us feel shame
I don't speak for all but know some feel the same

So we put on our faces and do what we do
We do it for them as we do it for you
Our nation was built from the blood of the man
And bring it down you won't but try yes you can

If you don't agree with what we do
and refuse to go fight
I say you sneak away in the middle of the night

Never return here to the Red White and Blue
Cause if you return an Ass kickin' will be waitin on you.


Okay enough i think I might have some really bad stuff to say next so THE END....

No regrets

Dear Mrs. Sheehan,
I am sorry to hear of the loss of your son. I, too, have lost someone in the war. It saddens me that so many of our young soldiers are dying in the war. I, however, believe that you are not bringing pride and honor to your son’s death. He died doing something that he knew could happen. He signed the paperwork under his own free will.

By questioning the President you are slandering your sons name right along with that of Mr. Bush. I don’t pretend to understand all of the feelings that you are experiencing. I can only imagine what it would be like to lose a child, much less in a war. I can tell you that I do feel your loss as the numbers of soldiers go up.

I have a few questions for you:

One: What is your relationship with God? To question death is to question God. Your relationship with God can and will help you to get over such a great loss. Your son was an Honorable man who fought and eventually gave the ultimate sacrifice for his country. The reason he was in Iraq fighting was so that you could camp out on the highway and voice your opinion. Freedom is a wonderful thing.

Two: What do you hope to achieve by what you are doing? I know that you realize this but let’s just say that you do actually have something that you hope to achieve. I try and think of what you could possibly accomplish. Do you want the soldiers out of Iraq? Is that it? So we pull out and wait? Wait for another terror attack? Maybe this time the terrorists will kill more Americans and people will then, and only then, understand what Mr. Bush is trying to do. Stop it (terrorism) before it gets to bad to stop.

Three: What if you lived in Iraq and were treated by a tyrant as these people were treated? If you lived in Iraq and camped out on the side of the road leading to Sadamns house and protested, you would be dead by weeks end. Instead (of volunteering), your son would have been locked into the military. Then you would have to question why.

Mrs. Sheehan, my name is Jerry Biggerstaff, Jr. I am a soldier deployed to Iraq. The sacrifices that soldiers (may be called upon to) make are a known possibility when we sign the dotted line. You son was an honorable man and will always have a place in my heart.

Good luck talking with the President and I hope that you can see what it is that you are doing. You have successfully pulled the cowards out of the woodwork. Not all, but some of your supporters will not fight for their country, but against it, rather than defend it like OUR forefathers did. It sickens me as a soldier to see what you are doing there, while we do what we do here. This life is but a stepping-stone in the grand plan.

I hope that the sad reality of your son’s death will not continue to overshadow the awesome reality of what he did for his country and the country of Iraq. I believe “Gods Signature” is all over his actions.

Ma’am, I would like to recommend that you pack up and go home and praise God that he gave you a son and allowed you to spend the time you did with him. I will continue to do what I do and hope that you will eventually find your peace and then begin once again to enjoy YOUR FREEDOM.


SSG Jerry P Biggerstaff
Somewhere, Iraq

More Pets

Here kitty kitty kitty. This morning I opened the door to the supply room and there it was on the shelf straight ahead. I cat sized thing that quite frankly scared the shit out of me. It was the biggest RAT I have ever seen. His eyes looked at me as if to say I ain’t afraid of you. He was quick too. I chased the thing around the supply room for a bit and then left it alone. This thing was huge. His tail was just a little bit smaller than the thickness of a pencil. We have been having troubles for a couple of days. The supply room does not have a lot of food items in it like we have at the “house”. But they have not come to the house. I don’t think that they can get in. These things are not little tiny mice. They are so big that they cannot get under the door.

We spent the day patching holes in the walls and the openings around the Air conditioners. This was the place of entry for some of these “loveable little demons”. We used to fish a lot but had quite for a long while yet the bate was still disappearing. We were able to get a case of slim Jims and had been using them as bate. We had them outside on the top of the fireplace/burn pit. This is a good place to keep them away from mice. But at only 4 foot off the ground I think the RAT just stepped up there with one step. We set a trap and bated it with you guessed slim Jim. Hopefully tonight we will get it and get it gone. We have removed 2 so far. One of my roommates did not want to kill the first one so I did it and then we threw it in the water and the fish ate it. Disgusting. Next night another one, this time he was good and stuck to the glue trap so he was thrown into the lake alive and yep you guessed it the fish ate it. I have become very aware that if I were to fall into this water that I would flail around and quickly get out, to make sure that the fish did not feast on me because I think they are flesh eaters. This place is off the chart, out there backwards odd.
First the scorpions, then it was the wild dogs/ coyotes, then possibility of Cobras, of course the never ending supply of flies, then the “Man eating fish” and now well now it is the “Kitty Rats”. What is in store for us next month? Flying elephants??????????

Bad Habits Form

Well It has been, I don’t know how long since I had a dip. I have not had a patch on my arm in several days now. I am beginning to think that I have finally quit for good. Problem is when you give up one bad habit you seem to develop others. I am up to a pack a day. My mouth gets dry, my lips twitch and the desire to have a dip is just so overwhelming. So I open a pack and by days end it is gone. I know that this habit is just as bad for me as the other but there are just some habits that are so hard to quit. So I guess now I will need to cut back on that habit because it is making my jaws sore. I am talking about chewing gum what did you think I was talking about. Gotcha.

Black Eyed People

There once was a family who lived far, far away. This family was very poor and could barely manage to feed themselves. They lived a sad miserable existence. It was a daily thing for them to pray that the water would come on that day or that they would have power all day. The children were dressed in whatever the parents could find for them to put on. Their clothes looked as they came right out of a dumpster perhaps discarded by another family who was better off. The home that they lived in was a small place more than likely deserted by its owners some years earlier. The poverty level of these people was not fully due to the lack of jobs in the area for there were jobs to be found, rather due to the miss-handled funds sent to the government for these people. The family of which I speak is actually a country full of people just like this. The contrast of rich and poor is ever apparent by the Palaces built by the leader of this country. The Palaces tower over the poor rundown neighborhoods of his people. I ask this question if the man was running his country with the values of a human being then why was it necessary to build 10 foot walls around his home? Why was it that his people feared him and why was it necessary to protect him from his people? Some say that we should not be here doing what we are doing. I ask you if this “Family” lived in your neighborhood would you just let them be there and not lend a helping hand? Day after day you watch as the small figures walked by with dirty faces and smiled up at you as if to say “help me”. If your answer is that you would just let them be then you need to read the good book. People were put on this earth to help with the bullies of society. I do not believe that we are the world police nor do I think that everyone believes this. I, however believe in right and wrong and freedom. The freedoms of these people have been taken from them and with it their will to fight and survive. In life when you have been beat down so many times it is hard to stand again. Hard that is without help. The helping hand that we are providing these people is one that I believe, in the Eyes of God will bring blessings on the United States and the soldiers who came here to defend the inhumanities inflicted on these people. The Iraqi people just want to survive. They want what all of us want, a better life for them and their children. We have helped usher in a new era of happiness for them but sooner or later it will be up to them to defend themselves. Sometimes a little training and or help from a friend can defeat even the fiercest of bullies.

Quick Trip

Finally late last night after talking to my wife(mother-n-law is in the hospital again), I laid my head down and fell fast asleep. It was about 1 am when I was awakened by my room mate who told me that my clerk had arrived at the airport. She had been home on R and R for the last two weeks. So I got dressed fired up the Hummv and made my way to the airport. This place is kind of peaceful at night when things don’t go boom. Just as I get fully relaxed it hits me that I am in a combat zone and not on a leisurely drive to DFW airport. Fully aware of my surroundings I stepped a little harder on the gas and was a little more cautious on the trip. The airport is in the “safe Zone” I thought but any more my definition of safe is not the same as other peoples. From start to finish with some driving techniques learned by watching too much NASCAR I made the full trip there and back in 1 hour 10 minutes. I even had enough time to miss my turn into the airport. Hopefully tonight will be a full night of uninterrupted sleep. I tell you I think I slept better when I was using the patch than I have in a while. Restless Nights in this country are common place and the soldiers talk of it all of the time. How can one be so tired yet not be able to sleep?

T. G. I. Monday (again)

Another manic Monday. Did not sleep worth a damn last night. I went to bed at around 10:30 and woke up every 15 minutes till 4 am. At 4 am the Generator that powers everything went out. The A/C went off and it got warm in a hurry. So I have been up since 4 am but feels like I have been up all night. Well due to the fact that there was no power it was quite difficult to make coffee so I started my day by eating at the Chow hall. Their coffee is horrible but it works. Prior to this I used some of the abundance of baby wipes sent to us by everyone. We have enough baby wipes to last for years. The water around here is controlled but electric pumps and with no electricity you guessed no water. So I shaved and brushed my teeth with bottled water. Okay so here I sit smelling like a baby behind and feeling sticky, Thanking God that they finally got the power back on. And in case you are wondering it is Wednesday the third Monday of the “normal” work week.

Just a little Boom

After Church yesterday several of the members went to eat at the chow hall. I usually try to go with them as I have come to realize that our chow hall is by far the worst in this country. As we sat and talked of home and family the rumble of the chow hall was interrupted momentarily by an impact outside. Most people have come to accept this as "normal" and continued eating shortly after. I glanced to the window in the direction of the noise and saw a plume of dirt flying high into the air. I too have come to accept this as normal. They deal death from afar and hope that it hits a "money" target. This one was off but not by much. God has protected us for one more day.

Quest for Reality

My present feelings are kind of like being in a small backyard with ten foot walls all around. I can hear the commotion outside but don’t know what it is. Upon arrival I did not care what it was but now curiosity has begun to overtake me. I do want to know what it looks like where these people live. I have seen their children as they visit the towers almost daily but where do they live. They say that it is really close to us here but I cannot see it. I do not want to risk harm but I also do not want to stay “locked up” for the rest of time I am here.

While we worked this morning we heard the terror and death from over the wall. The helicopters circled this way and that. There were 6 choppers out this morning and I am quite sure that the news stories tonight will tell the tale of death and destruction and of a hard to find enemy. With all of the BOOMS and WAWOOMS I can almost feel the death toll rise. I cannot remember what the toll was when we arrived but I know that it was far below the 1800 that we have surpassed now. As I think about these soldiers and their families I feel a sense of loss for them but it does not change the fact that I want to see what it is that we are here to defend and give a better way of life. I would just prefer to get on the “Freedom Bird” and head home but the job is not complete yet and home will just have to wait. So I wait and feel the walls close in around me. I tell myself soon, “Soon I will do something to send the walls back to their original size.”

Rascal Flats and off on a tangent

As the beads of sweat rolled down under my uniform it began to soak my t-shirt. As I sit and watch I see the duct tape turn loose from the stage in the heat. Today Rascal Flatts was here to sing for us. It was a good performance a little short but these guys have not been in this heat for as long as we have. One of them opened up by saying "welcome to hell" and then corrected himself by saying that "it is 14 degrees hotter than hell here". He also said that now he knows what hell is like and he is going home to get right with the Lord. This was a crowd pleaser as we know that it is hot but have adjusted to it. They sang their songs for us and gave out some free CDs. This was another awesome thing. I don't know if they get paid for coming here to do what they do but no matter I am sure it is not enough. The show was an awesome testimony of how our presence here is effecting people back home and it feels good to know that we are cared about by many. The ones who don't support us or the President can pack up and leave the country that we defend. One thing that sickens me is Jane Fonda at it again. Who else is she going to piss off before she dies? I volunteer to give this woman a ride. A ride out of the country which she has betrayed and away from the veterans who cringe at the site of her on TV. She needs to disappear back under the rock from which she came......All MY opinion of course.
I do believe that people can be forgiven just not traitors to our nation and soldiers.

Moods

16 days without a dip. I am now using this little bitty patch with only 7 mg of nicotene. I am at this point very much ready to take the head off of anyone who disagrees with what I say or anyone who tells me what to do. I need to stay away from people for a couple of weeks.

Military Spouse

Do you know how to tell a military spouse from any other spouse? The military spouse is the one who when mad at the children yells, " Don't make me email your father". haha Well last night was round three of long distance car/truck repairs. The email said the it just goes click click click and will not start, but it can't be the battery because the radio works. I love my wife and my oldest son but they have no clue about how a vehicle works. After sending an email responce, I logged onto IM and saved us about 30 or 40 dollars if not more. Chevrolet has some quirks. One is that darned side post battery that always corrodes over time. Step by step I gave an in depth description of exactly how this repair was to be done. From the "Hood won't open" to the bolt is stripped out, my oldest son with my guidance has read the instructions and carried them out. Last night was a simple repair it went from Click click click to Vroom Vroom. I have heard stories of soldiers walking their wives or oldest kids through all kinds of repairs at home. From electrical to plumbing. If something is going to break it will do it when the one with the most knowledge of it is gone. Soldiers, Repairmen, Husbands and Dads we touch on a little bit of everything just making that bond of love grow stronger.

Fear of another kind.

As I sit in the parking lot and ponder the next hour, my hands shake my stomach aches partially from the fact that I have not eaten all day and the upcoming "event". I start to sweat and think, “I can do it, I can do it". The fear is not of what I am about to do because I do this daily without hesitation or issue. It is the environment in which it is to be done. Since last week I have thought about this day, over and over milling it through my mind wondering if I had made a mistake by volunteering. It is so simple I tell myself yet I am terrified. I am talking about speaking in public. You see last Sunday at church I volunteered to give the "Welcome and the Opening Prayer". Both of which I am quite capable of without a doubt. I speak to God each night as I have for a couple of years now. I have no problem thanking him for the good in my life and asking for help with the bad. Tonight was different. I know that I did not completely blow it as I did stand up there and pray, but maybe I am “harder on myself than I need to be.” As for what I said I could not tell you because I do not remember. All week I had rehearsed for this so that I could flow through this with confidence. Each time I practiced I felt as if I was being told to “close my eyes listen to my heart and speak." This would have been fine in an empty room but there were people there. Now you are probably thinking of a large crowd of people. The feelings inside of me are the same with the ten that we had or with hundreds. When Johnny was killed I wrote a poem about him and his family. His widow asked me to read it at a vigil that was scheduled for that evening. In a way this was easier because I wrote it and then read it in front of almost a whole city. I did try to worm my way out of reading it. My brother in law not in these words exactly called me a coward. I could not let that go so I did it. Again it was like I was not there. I just did it and left. Tonight I think I started off okay but I lost something in midstream. My mouth became disconnected from my heart (where prayer comes from) and reconnected to my brain which was telling me that I was scared and that people were staring at me. This made for a very short prayer that I was not happy with. I do however hold some sense of achievement as I did stand up there and I did face a fear and I did do what it was that I needed to do. I do have intentions of doing this again but hopefully with full connection to my heart and no distractions of the brain. I fear public speaking more than I fear being in this country. It is strange to some that I could say this but others like me know of where it is that I come from. Fear faced. Goal Accomplished. Need Practice.

May God bless the soldiers and keep them safe from harm and may God bless our families and keep them safe as well for there are more people killed in any major US city in a day than are killed here in that same day. Lord help me to get over this fear because I know that this will help me become a better person and become closer to you which is where we all belong. I ask this in Jesus name Amen.

The kids are okay physically

Remember in an earlier posting I told of the Iraqi children who were injured. They had been burned. Well today my friend was allowed to accompany a group going out into that same neighborhood. He was asked to do so that he might stop in and check on the children. The children were burned as a punishment by their father. In this society the women do the work and the men well I don't know what they do. So when a husband gets mad at his wife it could be the children who suffer for it. The husband does not want to injure the wife because she has to do the work. It saddens me to think that there are people in this world who think like this. These children will undoubtedly grow up and think that this is the way in is supposed to be and do this to their own children. Sad Good news is that the kids were okay and did not appear to have suffered any lasting effects.

BOOK

I have been reading a book about the early stages of the war and the Marines who were sent into battle. This book is a great mix of passion, war and religion. Some of the events talked about in the book are so unbelievable that it takes on an almost fiction feel. While other pages brought tears to my eyes. (Real Men don’t cry. Yeah right) The concept of love for God by these Marine’s is shown in depth and very detailed in this book. It is an inspiration to all Soldiers, Sailors and Marines everywhere. It has made me want to be a better person as well as a better Christian. In a combat zone hands bloody and dirty, but their knees were bent and Marines prayed and found Christ, a coming to Christ where water from the Chaplains canteen was used to baptize the soldier into the family of God. The excitement and Peace I have felt over these past few days, are greatly because of this book. The powerful message has to be experienced not shared. So pick up a copy and read of the true heroes and of “A table in the Presence” by LT. Carey H. Cash

Blah blah Blah Still here Blah Blah Blah

I have been a peace since the last time I wrote. I don't know but it just seems that nothing bothers me right now. I talked with a soldier in the chow hall who I know does not like me and we have avoided talking. I can't explain it. I put some thought and effort into a video and am putting lots more thought and effort into another one. I started reading another book. This one is about a Navy Chaplain who entered this country during the first days of the war. These were the true heros not me in my little house here. The heros of this world in my mind are the ones who got here first and the ones out in the streets everyday staring in the face of danger. My eyes have seen some very dangerous things here but none SO FAR have been directed at me. I am just here peaceful and at ease with everything around me. I got really involved in my book and when my friend came in I wondered why he was in uniform. I quickly snapped back into this world as I had been in my own little world while reading. I joked and carried on with family while IMing last night. The guys who got here first did not have that luxury. They only talked when they got the chance which was monthly at best. We do what we do and we volunteered to do it. Sometimes these things are overwelming but right now the feeling of peace is wonderful. I hope it will last.

Fact or Fiction You decide cause I believe

I do love to fish. I have spent numerous hours fishing when time permits. The fish here are strange. They have some seriously strange fish. There are lots of carp but the ones that I am talking about have the heads of a catfish and the tail of an eel. Okay not too exciting. The interpreters tell stories of horror surrounding the goings on before our occupation. It has been told by several people about Sadamns sons house. This house is down the street and around the corner. Well it was a house now it is a couple of walls with holes throughout. Hooah USA. Local people have told us that on the back porch the son kept a chipper. The ones that are used for cutting up tree branched into mulch. When a person was murdered or killed for whatever sick reason their bodies were loaded into the chipper. The chipper faced the water so the remains were sent out into the water. The fish here do not much care for bait. They biggest fish are caught here with steak from the mess hall and raw steak works the best. We also fish with slim jim beef jerky sticks. I did not know why the fish did not like lures or bait until I was told this story. Now I refuse to fish here for I do not know what I am pulling out of the water and have no desire to touch a fish to remove it from my hook.

Another fact or fiction story told by an Iraqi woman interpretter is the story of Sadamns second wife. Sadamn had a servant woman who thought that Sadamn might like one of her friends. So she introduced them. Soon after Sadamn took her as his second wife. This infuriated the son. There was a party at his house which the servant was working. The son took the woman outside and beat her to death for the introduction. I after being here for the time I have do not doubt that these stories are true. The sickness of this family is over and now I pray that these people will come out and live on their own and one day learn to defend themselves instead of hiding in fear.

Return of Jesus Part II?

What is going on in the world today? Attacks in London then again and now Eygpt. Who are these terrorists and where do they come from? People willing to kill themselves and take others with them. Maybe we should not call them terrorists. They do strike terror in people but they usually don't live through it. I had a name for them but I probably should not put it here. Maybe we can call them suicidal bombers or ummm maybe cowards. They are in such a hurry to see their God so why don't they all get together and send each other and leave the rest of the world alone. I am thinking about buying a Koran before I leave here. I just want to see where it says to kill as many people as you can and you will be rewarded in....is it heaven that they think they are going to or hell. The begining of the end. That does not sound right but unfortunately I believe it is right. I have read Revelations but for the most part did not understand it. I am begining to believe that this is turning into a religious war. Not the one we fight here but a combined war being fought by many countries throughout the world. The world is going to the dogs. Colorado on fire people missing fathers stabbing their own children and the temperatures in the world rising every year. As I sit and listen to a mother tell the murderer of her daughter that she wants him to disappear into an abyss and never be heard seen or prayed for by anyoneever again, I wonder what will happen tomorrow. Is the entire world headed in this direction. I am not much on biblical quotations but I know that God leveled cities in scripture for sins less than the ones being carried out throughout the world today. Now I do believe that no sin is greater than another but there has to be a line. It is said that "he who is without sin cast the first stone". I live life like that but......but there should be a line. Killing, attempted murder, suicide bombings should be listed above all. These are crimes againist God as well as man, but if you don't believe in God..........then what. A sign I read at a church said it best. It said "Get Right or Get Left." Since God controls everything then will armagedon be his way of cleansing his people once again. The movie with Bruce Willis comes to mind as well. Does anyone think that we could stop something like that? Another question is would we want to?

The Combat Patch

Today I had to take the rest of the soldiers uniforms to the cleaners to have the "Patches" sewn on. The patch of which I speak is the combat patch. This patch is awarded a soldier serving in a combat zone for a certain period of time. Some soldiers spend there entire careers without even getting one. It seems today that most soldiers will have one before they have ten years of service. There are several patches that can be worn. The Unit patch on the opposite side of the uniform can be worn as a combat patch or the unit to which you are attached to may be worn. One of the "big guys" in our brigade decided to make a rule that everyone knew was not right and could not be enforced. He put it out that no one was allowed to wear any patch other than the unit patch. This made alot of soldiers mad and then did not sew a patch on their uniforms. Some did as we felt as if we were being forced to do so. Don't get me wrong I have utmost respect for the division to which I am assigned but Do not like the fact that this Patch is being shoved down my throatt. I decided that if he did force us to sew this on I would not wear a combat patch at all. Well some one decided to complain and complain big. Next thing you know the order was resinded and now we are authorized to wear whatever patch we want. So I have returned back to the idea that I would sew on 2 and 2 on my 4 sets of uniforms. This shows respect for both units, the one I am assigned to and the one we support. Seems kind of petty as it is just a patch but it seems that the petty things mean so much when you have nothing else to think about.

The Patch

Today I had to take the rest of the soldiers uniforms to the cleaners to have the "Patches" sewn on. The patch of which I speak is the combat patch. This patch is awarded a soldier serving in a combat zone for a certain period of time. Some soldiers spend there entire careers without even getting one. It seems today that most soldiers will have one before they have ten years of service. There are several patches that can be worn. The Unit patch on the opposite side of the uniform can be worn as a combat patch or the unit to which you are attached to may be worn. One of the "big guys" in our brigade decided to make a rule that everyone knew was not right and could not be enforced. He put it out that no one was allowed to wear any patch other than the unit patch. This made alot of soldiers mad and then did not sew a patch on their uniforms. Some did as we felt as if we were being forced to do so. Don't get me wrong I have utmost respect for the division to which I am assigned but Do not like the fact that this Patch is being shoved down my throatt. I decided that if he did force us to sew this on I would not wear a combat patch at all. Well some one decided to complain and complain big. Next thing you know the order was resinded and now we are authorized to wear whatever patch we want. So I have returned back to the idea that I would sew on 2 and 2 on my 4 sets of uniforms. This shows respect for both units, the one I am assigned to and the one we support. Seems kind of petty as it is just a patch but it seems that the petty things mean so much when you have nothing else to think about.

A day in the life

The sun comes up between 5 and 6 am and goes down around 9 or 10 pm. Long days. I am able to get out of bed in the mornings. I believe this is attributed to the lack of nicotine flows through my veins. The patch does not put near the same amount that my body has become accustom to. I don’t usually go to the office till 0900. This is usually because I do not leave the office till late in the evening. With the time difference that evening is the best time to handle any stateside affairs such as purchases with the Government Credit card. I wish I did not have this but someone has to do it. This morning I was lucky enough to catch my wife on Instant mail. We usually wait till in the evening here but I caught her in the evening there. The time is really confusing. We are 9 hours ahead but if you use Texas time then we are 9 behind. I just add three and change from am to pm or vice versa. After we talked I rode my bike to the chow hall for some of that Good Army Chow made by people who I have noticed don’t eat it. They are refered to as Hodgies (Iraqi people) but most are Indians or Pakistanis. They work for next to nothing but are being paid millions in their eyes. I talked to the man who sews on our patches and he said he did not have a job in his home country. “No work” he said. I asked if he was married and he said “Not yet” with a smile. I think he may have someone in mind. Anyway I think I am rambling. Oh yeah breakfast I had to eat because the ulcers in my mouth have made eating a chore and I get tired of trying before I get full, Plus I am out of coffee and refuse to drink Maxwell House. I guess I should not be picky but something are just not the same as “Folgers in your cup”. After eating about half my food I headed off to the weekly supply meeting. This meeting is where the supply guys get together and gripe about what is going wrong here and how it is next to impossible to account for property. We also share secrets and contacts for “drug deals” to get things that cannot be obtained through the system. IE Near beer fresh meats and extra milk and so on. The mess hall will not give you more than you can carry out so we have made “contacts” to help us. It is mostly a complaint session though. Afterwards I rode back to the office. The office and the house are right next to each other. We have it the best by far. I think I have mentioned before that most have to go outside and use the plastic bathrooms and walk to a shower trailer. We have a complete Hodgie bathroom. Every thing here is strange. The shower is among the strangest. It is a corner of the room with plumbing sticking out of the wall. The strange thing is until us westerners got here there was no shower curtain. I guess they just stood there in the corner and splashed water all over the room. We quickly got something rigged up to fix that problem. After a few minutes in the office I remembered that I forgot to re-dispatch my truck on the day prior. My supply clerk usually handles this but she is headed home for some much needed R and R. So I have to do everything myself and try to remember how to do things that she has been handling since we arrived. I feel lost in my own supply room. I quick trip to the motorpool and redispatch. Takes a little while as the vehicle has to be completely inspected to ensure that it will not fail when it is needed. After that it was lunch time. I managed to eat a little more. I have found something that I really like in the chow hall. It is some hard rolls. I mean hard as a rock. I cut them in half and add lunch meat and cheese a few jalapenos and some black olives and then nuke the whole plate for 35 seconds. This makes the bread soft but only while it is warm. I add a bag of chips that has a bunch of writing that I can’t read. They have Ketchup flavored chips here. They are okay but I would not pay for them. Wash it all down with a Gatoraide. I must admit that I really tried to make this sound good. The main line is where the problems come from but I will tell you about that when I get to the dinner meal. After lunch I was buried in paperwork. I account for 4 different types of property. The totals of this property are in excess of 10 million dollars. I know the exact figure because I was asked to total it up. This property does not leave unless I have a Hand receipt for it. I must know where it all is at all times. You know you have been doing it too long when you can remember serial numbers and locations without looking at your paperwork. The Commander called and said he wanted to go shopping. Having this credit card at times is a benefit. I really needed to make it to the PX because I needed some shaving gel and some bath soap. The benefit is he borrowed an NTV( Toyota Land Cruiser) to get us there. It could have been an Opal for all I care as long as it has air. Remember we are experiencing a cold front. I looked at the temp gage just now an at 7:30 pm it is 106. The high was supposed to be 118 and I am sure we made it. After the shopping trip the CO dropped me off and it was again chow time. I mounted my trusty bike and rode to chow once again. Today was steak night. Usually steak night is on Friday. Okay right now you are picturing a steak a real piece of meat cooked by someone who knows how to prepare a steak. Well riding up to the mess hall on steak night is the only time it will seem real. They cook the steaks on a BBQ pit outside. Still sounds appealing huh? Then they put them in a pot with water in the bottom and carry them in and put them in the oven. This makes these lovely smelling steaks taste like liver by the time they are served. I had fried shrimp which is hard for them to mess up. I ate half the steak and all of the shrimp and again wash it down with a gatoraide. The sodas here taste odd. My soda of choice has not been seen since my return trip. I have seen a Fully leaded Dr Pepper on occasion but the Dt DP is the best. After dinner you guessed it back on the bike and back to the office.

Well in a nutshell that is a day in the life. I censored and left out arguments with people not doing there jobs. Some things are best not shared.